Past Lives

As souls, when we “plan” our life lessons for the following incarnation, we will usually have one dominant theme that we plan on learning. We also might have other smaller themes as well.

In the most simplistic sense, whatever it is that we are exploring, we’ll find that we incarnate in the absence of that very thing. That is how we find it.

For example, someone who has chosen to explore “Faith” might incarnate into a community or family that has very little of it. “Hope” might express similarly.

As souls, we often choose the harder path because that’s what we see as opportunity for learning. Most times, if we choose harder lives we ascend faster. That’s why older souls might elect for lives that are filled with poverty and hardship. From a human lens, what we see as “undesirable” in terms of lives, is actually the path of wealth to a soul. Materiality means very little to the soul, because that’s the only impermanence.

From a human lens, it might seem more logical to say, well if I’m exploring a theme of power then shouldn’t I be given a life where I have substantial power? I think it’s a very human ego thing to want things to be given instead of earning, as per the soul. For example, I remember once reading someone’s account of prayer/asking for the universe. She said, be careful what you ask for because it might be given in a way that you didn’t foresee- her example was, she asked for strength, and she then got very tumultuous events in her life and she didn’t understand why. Upon reflection, she realized that when she asked for strength, the universe gave her the very obstacles to cultivate her own.

The adage that we get only what we can handle holds true- older souls get more difficult challenges because through those we expand. If we wanted a cushy life, we’d reap very little benefit from it on a spiritual level, even if our human incarnation in that life is satisfied. Souls do find that human lives are perhaps the most challenging because there’s so much duality. For human egos/minds, duality is a difficult concept- for all the light in the world, there is also so much darkness. It is also true that for your first few lives, especially the first one, “they” and they refers to the specific kind of guide that works with you between lives called “elders” will give you lives that are like training wheels- so many children of celebrities who have substantial means and very little hardship are typically first timers. But from there, resources lessen, or, if you get a very materially wealthy and high status life, you may be fraught with other more difficult challenges. Royalty, for example, is usually not a place where new souls enter because there are many difficult dynamics that most people have very little preparation for.

As you get to the end of your lives, most “last timers” will get a wish fulfillment life wherein the first part is focused on karmic clearing, tying up loose ends which is rife with challenges, but upon completion the rest of the life operates as a reward, but is also fulfilling a spiritual mission. An example would be someone like JK Rowling who I can sense on the soul level is on her last life. Some souls that have completed all of their lives might even choose to come back as a “volunteer” soul to usher in change- someone who I sense is doing this is Angelina Jolie- she’s in essence, working as a benefactor to the world and needs an exceptional platform to do so.

Karma

How do we know when something is happening FOR us and not TO us?

In understanding how karma works, you have to understand its main purpose: balance. Even if you don’t believe there’s such thing as karma, you must know that there are physics that are involved like the 3rd law of motion: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

So if we just analyze what’s happening in this life presently and not past lives- it works like this: for every thing we do, we are either exerting positive energy/intentions, or exerting negative energy/intentions. Neutral ones don’t apply because there isn’t necessarily a charge, and we can also assume that in a neutral reaction there’s good and bad so the equality is already taken care of within the action itself and does not engender a reaction. Karma isn’t a tit for tat because the energy is affected by its accumulation of force as well as the energy it’s pushing against- will break this down later.

Say a person does something harmful to someone else. It could go either of two ways: maybe they didn’t mean to cause as much damage as they do upon the other person, but they already knew that they were doing something bad. This would release a karmic effect but what we don’t know is when the ricochet effect will take place. Sometimes it’s instant, sometimes it takes decades or even lifetimes. Say this person does something bad and knows, and even intends, to cause harm to another person. Then the amount of intention/energy that’s exerted is far more than the first case and so the ricochet effect will be more intense. However, it can sometimes get carried into the next life, or other ones, in case there’s a karmic contract involved between these two parties which will carry over as karmic debt (and in some cases, this action might even be the cause of the contract to start). Or, sometimes the perpetrator is working on a spiritual lesson in this life that necessitates the karma be returned in this life, then the timeline does matter. When spiritual people tell you there’s no such thing as linear time in the spiritual world, that concept is true in part, but there are specific axis of linear time that is dealt with even in the spiritual sense.

What also impacts this is if someone knows better. For example, if a little kid did harm, it might be innocent because they don’t yet have the awareness to know its cause and effect. That tones down the intention portion of the equation so the negative energy they’re exerting isn’t as strong, therefore their rebound effect also isn’t as strong. Sometimes people who don’t know any better, especially children, will get a “pass” that they’ll never have to “pay” for karmically. But, say you’re very well aware- the level of awareness you have will also strengthen the intention, which strengthens the rebound effect.

Additionally, the charge of the energy that the original action is pushing against will either decelerate or accelerate the rebound effect.

An example: someone does something harmful to a being who has a lot of light in their field- their light acts as a refraction and not only reflects the karma back more intensely, but also can accelerate the karmic rebound. Think about the effect of shining a light directly at a prism- the light is reflected back in different wavelengths, and often times can be even more blinding than the light itself. Basically you’re forced to see the elements of this light broken down—- i.e. you’re forced to experience the rebounded action frame by frame. The light in their field may also push against the negative intention because by nature a person who’s anchored in light already radiates positive intentions, so there’s a energetic reaction taking place much like chemistry- two polarities come together to create a karmic reaction.

There’s also the possibility that someone does something harmful to someone who has harmed a lot of people- i.e. a bounty hunter kills someone who’s done terrible things to people and plans on continuing. In this case, although the murder itself is naturally charged with destructive intentions, there is a positive effect to this as it’s stopping a worse perpetrator and that will neutralize some of the negative karmic effect of the action. Not to mention, there isn’t light in the energy field that pushes back if we assume that this person is very dark triad.

So that brings me to the question of- sometimes when something “bad” happens to someone, is that their karma returning? Or is that simply a challenge they signed up for in this life time?

When there’s negative karma returning, there’s no “lesson”. Instead, it feels like something must be paid, acknowledged or seen. If you tune in to the energy only, it feels dark, cloudy.

When it’s an event that seems negative but isn’t karma, but is karmic in the sense that you’re meant to experience this to grow, you, if you’re tuned into things beyond the veil will sense there’s a lot of guidance around you and the energy feels light. You’ll get a sense that this is positive and spiritual in origin and it’s rife with lessons, and more importantly, there is a way out.

For example, clients will sometimes have me read a loved one who is ill. Although the disease expresses the same, the energy around it is either light and infused with spirituality or it’s dark and very low vibrational.

If it’s a karmic debt, you’ll find that the attachment to a particular person or situation feels unresolved, or to me, “sticky”. But once you resolve the situation by “paying” the debt in whatever form, all of a sudden that attachment is no longer and you feel that the person and situation is no longer tied. You may never revisit the situation again, or never hear from or see the other person ever again.

This is a topic that wouldn’t be able to be fully covered in several books, but here’s a intermediate primer for now.

Life Update

It’s been a while that I’ve posted anything personal on here.

Almost 2 years ago, I sustained a near fatal injury that I still haven’t fully recovered from. One of the lasting impacts of this was brain damage. Although this path was painful, there was a large part of me, my intuitive knowing, that reassured me that this was the path. We can’t expect “the path”, meaning, our spiritual path, to be a smooth one. It’s meant to be one filled with challenges and events that look like terrible things at the onset, but later reveal a greater wisdom.

Yes, my last 2 years were extremely extremely difficult. But yet, even in the darkest days I found a certain beauty. I found a path to awakening, a path to healing, a path to deeper self love, self care and commitment. I learned truly how to put myself first and set clear boundaries around my time. The amount of self work I’ve been able to complete I couldn’t have done in 15 years time had this not happened. And, it’s in a strange way, set me up for the rest of my life- I now have a foundation of nutrition, biohacking, sleep hygiene, exercise that is so meticulous that I would never have been able to put together had it not been a life or death situation. I mention biohacking because what happened to me was something that on the physical side, makes someone lose their hair, destroys DNA (so then your body can’t synthesize protein or collagen) and changes body composition and contributes to obesity. So in essence, it ages you and destroys your metabolism, but I was able to reverse age and get my body nearly back to its original composition through research, trial and error and a deeply committed approach to cleansing and healing.

On the emotional/mental side, what happened to me not only destroyed my brain chemistry and hormones, but also causes intense anxiety and depression. My baseline for happiness dropped so much that in this difficult journey to regulate it, even the smallest joys or the hour long windows where I feel nearly normal are celebrated. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, and that in itself is a liberating state however hard it was to come by. You can’t appreciate things if you don’t have the right state of mind, after all.

In the past 6 months at least, I’ve struggled with symptoms that look close to early on-set dementia. That’s been something that’s very challenging to cope with, however, I have also noticed that my intuitive abilities, spiritual abilities, extrasensory abilities however you want to address them, have increased exponentially. Intuitive hits used to come in fast- but now it’s like a race car and the depth to which I can perceive and synthesize the metaphysical have reached a level that I’m even having difficulty comprehending.

It hit me like a lightning bolt yesterday- I remember in my studies of psych/neuroscience that sometimes when people experience head trauma they will suddenly be able to access psychic abilities they previously didn’t have. Or, sometimes after a car accident someone will have a life changing kundalini awakening that induces phenomena (I’ve met someone this happened to- he developed the ability to see auras). Or, sometimes people have what is called savant syndrome where one part of the brain is damaged and that activates (or lessens the inhibition) another part of the brain that suddenly breathes life to dormant high level abilities. The ever famous Phineas Gage who had a metal rod run through his head had a total personality makeover. In all of these cases, damage was done to the left frontal lobe.

The parts of my brain that were damaged include the frontal and the parietal lobe. I have a sense that because of this, my brain overcompensated by rewiring and activating other parts of my brain that are not damaged, one of which is the center of intuition. When I tune in, I can actually feel that the lower part of my brain feels much more active and energized that I’ve ever noticed before. With each day, it feels stronger, too.

That may not be the main purpose of this pathway that I travelled, but it is one of the purposes, I’m told intuitively. I also know that this is a permanent change, as my brain trauma heals the wiring will also repair, but the networks will already be established in the lower regions and stay active.

Upon researching, I found confirmation from neuroscientists, and to me this is such a revelation.

Just like any type of trauma for which I’m not thankful for, what results is a cataclysmic chain of events that are as much of, or more of, its contrast (should you be a beauty seeker, a healer, someone who can stay the course and use it as such). I’ve been stuck in moments of self-pity or wallowing in the unfairness of it all as I have about traumatic events from the past, but until we “zoom out” we can’t see what it’s all for and why we had to endure it. In fact, we might not even be able to see that part of us selected it. Because it’s meant to make us better.

So here I am today, with a full head of hair, with my body in probably the best shape of my life, with a level of self-unity that I’ve never come close to before. I may not be able to think straight still, and still feel sick most days, still have a pounding headache and brain fog, but what I do have is a rapidly healing brain that is accelerating past what is considered “normal” abilities (not that I ever considered myself as someone with “normal” abilities nor I’m sure, does anyone who is reading this blog). I can now see that there was no other way for me to get here in as short of a span of time as this has been, despite it feeling way too long. And I can see that the joy, the health, and the success that I’ll experience for the rest of my life is due in part to who I am today and the path of fire I was able to walk through in one piece. And to get here, this is due in part to the little girl I once was, who bravely walked through the fires of her childhood too, alone, but always whole.

Reiki Testimonial

My client C. C. wrote me the day after his first remote reiki session:

Your reiki healing is serious business. I feel profound shifts taking place—old energy still clearing out and am looking forward how energy settles in next few days—things feel brighter and clearer already. I did not know what to expect but the after was so intense in the best way possible, almost like a trip. Definitely will be back for a tune up when it is time

Most people report vivid dreams, elation, relaxation and immediately noticeable benefits right after, but the full shifts (and anchored in intentions if you chose to program those in) usually take a few days.

As you continue to do these sessions, you will usually become more sensitized to the energy of the session before, during and after. As more of your density gets cleared away, you will become more attuned to energy shifts and more open to receive healing. It will also become much easier to program in intentions and see those changes happening in your life right away.

With reiki, we can adjust the subtlest to the most pronounced things. You can choose to program in new beliefs, even rewire the mind. If you think about it- everything, I mean EVERYTHING in your body runs on electric impulses. It’s all energy- synapses, neural networks, nerve impulses etc... so the primary form of change that your body understands is ENERGETIC. With reiki and my particular skill set, we target the most subatomic energies in your body for drastic shifts by influencing them to be how you want them to be.

Primarily, we are ENERGY. At the most basic level, even our cells communicate via energy. We consume calories, which become energy in the body. I think when people who don’t understand this think about the body, they think in terms of matter- i.e. bones, skin, etc.. But… what is holding this matter together? What is holding these atoms together? How do they communicate?

Right.

That’s why these sessions are effective.

Super Session

On my booking page under packages, you’ll find a new offering: Super Session

Essentially this is 3 hours of work in one day- first we’ll start with a Clairvoyant session, then move on to an Integrative and finish with a Reiki session. We can change up the order depending on what’s right for you.

This would be the package to choose for those of you who want to heal as much as possible in the shortest amount of time instead of opting to gradually shift over a longer span of time.

If you want to up level, this is the fastest way to do it.

It is recommended for those of you choosing this format to block out the whole day, as you’ll need recovery time after we finish the session. Your energy field will also be sensitive so it is recommended to minimize disruption. This is undergoing energetic surgery so you’ll want to have the space for a deep recovery before and after.

Remote Reiki Testimonial

I received a lovely testimonial from a new client, Paris, after her remote reiki session.

I just wanted to thank you so so much for our reiki session. The morning after our session, I felt a clearness within that I don’t recall ever feeling before. It felt like the feeling after you’ve deep cleaned your home and just lit a candle. Relief, calmness and inspiration are just a few things that I’ve experienced in the months that followed. Before this session, I struggled with the path I wanted my life to go in. I felt like I was making some progress in the right direction but still missing the mark. After the session, I had an epiphany that seemed so obvious that it was almost laughable. Now I am taking steps in this new direction and I feel so inspired and alive.  

10-Series Testimonial

Working with Gigi and to watch her bloom into her next phase in life, a phase of life marked by independence and spiritual sovereignty is so wonderful. Our “meeting” was marked by tons of synchronicity and resonant symbols. It’s very common for the highly gifted- spiritually speaking, to be born into systems that don’t support us, and part of our spiritual journey comes from liberating ourselves from the past so we can move forward in all ways as a pure being, unrestrained by the energy and the conditioning of our systems past.

Sometimes we are told certain things about ourselves and we learn to believe them to play our “part” in the dysfunction of those around us. It can impinge on our own belief about ourselves and our capabilities, when in reality it is not true- it is just a learned behavior to stay “in-group”. Of course these parts are not always easiest to recognize, nor are they to heal and release. That’s where I come in.

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“It feels like an impossible task to even begin to put into words the kind of experience or impact this 10 series had on me/my life...so impossible it's funny.

I have been in and out of therapy for a decade, I've read almost every lauded self-help and spirituality book that exists, but it wasn't until the sessions Maria helped facilitate did I start to feel like I could actually see myself for the first time....ever! in my whole life.

i feel changed. i feel like a me that finally is on her way to a life i knew i always felt could be mine but i felt soooo far away from. and didn't understand why. and didn't know how to get closer. maria helps you bridge those gaps.

there was and continues to be SO MUCH about myself i didn't know. it isn't a cure all, this work is continuous and life long. but i feel like the forest has cleared a bit and i can see a path AND i'm excited to walk it and even tho i am alone, i feel for the first time, capable, unafraid, and excited.

i don't know. if you're feeling called to this work and you're looking for assurance that this will mean something or make an impact...i don't know if i or anyone can really give you that but it meant a lot to me. it made a huge impact on me. i feel closest to myself than i have ever been and this work + therapy has been doing wonders for my ability to show up for myself and create a life i love and don't want to escape from,”

Emergence

Sometimes I channel certain things in sessions that are new to my present consciousness, but yet some part, the deepest part, I’ve known forever. It’s very interesting, this being human, how we have our “firsts” when really they’re not firsts after all, just the first time in this life.

This happened in a remote reiki session 2 days ago. The first word I heard, as if yelled at me, was “emergence”

I’ve never technically heard this word used in relationship to any spiritual concepts, for instance like a word such as karma, or awakening is so tied to spirituality that it holds a certain anchored meaning. I know the word remembrance, I started to remember what that meant in concrete spiritual terms. For those who don’t, it’s the process by which we awaken to our divinity, to the remembering of the vastness of our soul. For me, when I awakened, I had visceral emotional reactions when I saw ancient tapestries and I recognized them. I had nostalgia, a deep, guttural flutter that told me it was not my first time witnessing them. I was there at their time of creation.

It dawned on me to look up this word in terms of spirituality and this is what I found. So yes, it does have meaning, and it blew me away. They indicate that this process should have proper support— it’s interesting to gain context and descriptions for the work that I do without prior knowledge that this is what I was doing— I’ve helped clients integrate, understand, parse out and heal throughout this convoluted, complicated process of spiritual emergence. It is a beautiful, beautiful, challenging and rewarding process. I hope that this post opens doors as opposed to giving any answers, as a new possibility unfolds in my consciousness after understanding what this means in concrete 3D language.

In my understanding and experience, the spiritual awakening is the first step to a spiritual life- it’s when the kundalini energy connects root to crown for the first time and divinity enters. This is the first stage of remembrance, but remembrance is a continual process that spans a lifetime. The deeper you go with your soul, the more you remember of yourself and the world. You remember past lives, then the lives between lives, and you see glimpses of the future lives too.

There is only one major, cataclysmic spiritual awakening, yet it can feel like in the process of emergence that there are multiple small tremors of awakenings. These are usually accompanied by ego deaths in which parts of your ego go into full resistance and have to die In order to allow more of the soul self to emerge. These can feel brutal, but they happen once in a while as new parts are sloughed off and they often come with full surrender into a fearful state, and then a sudden surrender into connectedness and release.

A dark night of the soul happens during the spiritual awakening, in fact it’s a necessary stage. It’s a cumulative process of sometimes years, in which the soul/human journey through extreme darkness until one day a MAJOR part of you “dies” in order to allow the awakening. I do feel that ego deaths are more minor, they happen in conjunction with the dark night of the soul but as “they” are telling me now, the dark night of the soul is a rite of passage. Most of us only have 1, and some of us have 2 at a much later stage of spiritual progress.

Emergence is by far the most difficult thing because unlike the others which have a drastic turnover, emergence is a continual process with no definitive beginning or end. I thought that it did, but “they” are correcting me as I channel them now. We are in a continual stage of emergence.

My Healing Journey

I’m writing this because I noticed that in the last testimonial I posted, there was a mention that there is no self-aggrandizement in my work. I really felt particularly grateful that this was noticed because I think this in itself takes a lot, a lot of refinement, understanding and measured work. Today it feels necessary to explain what this all means, and the healer’s healing journey because without previous experience, this one insight may elude you as it did, me.

My first few healers were very much all about, ‘your process began when you met ME” or all the descriptions about why someone was super powerful or all knowing or superior to me in some way. In fact, one of my healers said to me, verbatim, “I’m strong and they’re weak, because they’re my patients” at the time I was in my mid twenties, new to all of this, I didn’t understand mysticism or metaphysics then, and so I believed.

I also believed in the savior/rescued dynamic that keeps us all trapped in pitfalls of misery as humans. I thought that these people fixed me, saved me, I completely wrote myself out of the equation. I gave my power away.

Because of these early exposures, I do in fact make sure that everyone in my practice is reminded of their own power. That I’m not saving, fixing or rescuing. I find these steps to be fundamental to healing, because how else can we rise in our own power and sovereignty if we do not first believe ourselves to be capable and independent? It is the very FOUNDATION. If someone takes that foundation away from the first moment you start building a foundation for yourself, which has happened to me in my childhood and in my healing journey, then it is very bad news.

I look at and read over old testimonials that I wrote where I’m delighted by my practitioners (and granted, a few of them, very few, were very good healers) who I believed were beyond my power, or attribute things to them that they “fixed” that were wrong with me. And I shudder. These beliefs didn’t come from me, they came from people telling me, themselves.

I spent years in some turmoil about this, on one hand I do feel that there were particular people who were very helpful in my healing course, but I reflect back as a healer myself, and think about the things they said to me and am just.. devastated. I have compassion, because I know that the true healers that are born of this world with our gifts and mission are put through the ringer in early childhood, in ways that can damage someone’s self-esteem for life. A grandiosity is definitely an offshoot of that, and especially in something that later garners a lot of acclaim for that person in particular can trigger this grandiosity that’s just an offshoot of the abuse we endured as children. A lot of us come from narcissistic and sociopathic caregivers where grandiosity is currency.

However, the ones that truly accelerated my path were those that recognized beyond ego. They were the ones who were humble and showed me the way, and showed me that the way was mine.

Someone’s spiritual process, their awakening, does not begin when you meet someone else. It’s already happening, and the timing of meeting can often come down to spiritual contracts or guides who help guide us to others to help us. Someone can surely trigger spiritual growth in someone else, but no one is solely responsible for someone else’s soul timing. Some healers have very keen awareness for when someone is in process, and others, like myself, make myself available to those who seek my help because I trust that souls know their own timing and what it is they need. My soul, my guides, have always led the way for me, and I just want to remind others that just because someone makes the focus of your healing that it is because of their power does not make it so. Did we not learn anything from Cruella (which is an amazing movie by the way!), those who have power don’t talk about it.

Perfectionism

I myself am guilty of perfectionism. There is always an unrealistic standard that I’ve set for myself that I somehow fail to meet. In my mind, it’s realistic because I’ve been exposed to this standard before, it’s not born of nowhere.

I won’t go into the mechanics of how perfectionism is created through upbringing, since many of you already know what goes into this and how it’s modeled.

What this creates in someone who lives with this is a deep fear of “not good enough” and secondly, a developing well of self directed frustration as well as feelings of failure that are semi-repressed. It’s semi-repressed as long as there’s some metric of success that you must score high on. Perfectionism is fear based, and for those of us who’ve lived with it, we’ve turned that fear (and anxiety) into something that motivates.

It was always very conscious for me as a teen and young adult that if I let go of this, and just suddenly realized I was “good enough” that I’d stop trying. I felt that the alternative was apathy, which I have experienced before. I didn’t know what to substitute the fear motivation for, or that there was another form of motivation.

As I’ve grown, I’ve come to face that fragile ego that’s underneath all of this. The one that took in the programming of deep unworthiness. I remember being very young and in situations where I felt failure, how much I couldn’t handle it because it brought out deep shame. In classes that I wasn’t the best, the stakes felt so high and so intolerable. I somehow couldn’t take it in stride like all the other people who were not the best, who were not good. People who could fail at something or not be good at something and not have it affect their sense of self seemed to have a healthy self-esteem that made them know that just because they weren’t good at this thing, they could keep trying and get better. They also knew that just because they weren’t good at this one thing, it didn’t mean that they were flawed as a person. These were thought processes that I didn’t have even if I identified them consciously.

As I’ve gotten older and done a lot of healing and integration, I’ve specifically challenged myself to do all the things that I’m not particularly gifted at. Sure, other people might argue that I’m not that bad, in fact, that maybe I am better than I think (because in my mind I think I am just awful which is a particular trait associated with perfectionism as well- that my assessment of myself always tends to be worse than what’s “real”). What this challenge does is it forces me to grow- it forces me to confront those shadow elements and fear. It shows me that there’s nothing to fear, and to be more lighthearted in my approach- that just because I can’t do a particular jump or my brain isn’t as quick with a quippy response in improv doesn’t mean that the world is ending, which it often felt like it was when there is a perfectionism that is expected of you, and performance is everything. Most importantly, it shows me to have fun which is something I had long been lacking in childhood.

I remember when the darkness of perfectionism hit me the worst, it wasn’t that long ago. My ego was still in control then and it needed above all else to bolster itself from its feelings of inferiority and frailty. So, I chose to only do things that I was the shining star in. And then my world became so limited, my ego was satisfied but my soul wanted more.

Overall, we’re here for the experience. That means, the totality of life that we get to experience in this human form, with this human intelligence. It’s not about good or bad, it’s about how we meet those experiences and what we take away from them. In the end, I’m. not going to care that I was the best in this one class or one thing, because I care more about growth and process, truly. Success of course is important, and I plan to succeed at the things that I’ve chosen, but I’m also learning to re-assess the bar that I set for myself. I want to do my best, not be the best.