Fine Line

As someone who’s been on a spiritual path for the last 10 years I’ve worked with many spiritual healers of different varieties driven by my need to understand, learn and grow both personally and professionally.

In my current synthesis of these experiences I can say that there’s a very fine line of spiritualism and mental illness. Sometimes, people in the spiritual domain will mask their unaddressed mental illnesses/delusions with concepts of spiritualism and that is NOT a path you want to walk.

There are also many quadrants in which intense codependency is masked as “unity consciousness”, as a boundary-less, martyring, serving virtues which are much less than that.

I’ll give you an example: I once worked with a shaman for many years who I’d only worked with because I saw results from working with her- meaning, this wasn’t just some faith based healing, but empirical result driven reasoning. I put up with her lack of boundaries- she was constantly preaching how we are “one” and how we cannot have boundaries- but what this did was serve her in a strange way in the long run, because I felt, as her client as time went on, that I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries with her for fear of being “bad” or “less spiritual”. What this was was not just lack of professionalism, but truly high level covert narcissism masked as “I’m so good, I’m always in a position of selfless serving and that is spiritual which should be your value system too. I have less boundaries because I am more spiritually developed than you,” but what I found was it was actually entitlement upon deeper examination. It pulled you into this nebulous framework of guilt. She also had VERY strange assertions that were unchecked- granted, she did have some very good intuitive insights, but it was mixed in with these outlandish claims in which she herself couldn’t distill truth from insanity.

I used to also book a certain service, but when she’d arrive at my home she’d not only go HOURS over just lecturing me, but also NOT give me the service that I booked because her “intuition” told her to give me something else “I needed” without my consent. At the time I thought, oh I should be grateful she’s being so generous with her time, but I realize upon retrospect that it was again, a high level narcissistic behavior in which this person would just monologue because they needed to be listened to. None of the advice I asked for, none of it helpful, all of it was taking up hours of my time. When I tried to speak she’d cut me off- just to monologue again. In retrospect, it was so out of bounds, so unprofessional, and yet she was highly regarded.

She wasn’t the only one who did this- there were other healers who oddly would make my sessions about themselves- also monologuing for hours.

This field is one in which people who are drawn to it or gifted in some way, most likely had a traumatic past which created in them a strong impetus (and strong gifts) to help others. But it’s one where you HAVE to be discerning enough to choose people who not only can 1. help you, 2. have healed and are operating out of a healthy place that HAS boundaries and is respectful of the human life we live.

What I mean by this is, Okay- I’m aware there’s a spiritual concept of “one-ness” and “unity consciousness” wherein when we die we return to a more massive consciousness and realize we are part of everything. I know people have these spiritual experiences either induced or accidental- but the fact is, we are human beings and we need to be respectful of this temporary state that we are in. We cannot deny that human beings are separate- we are separated by flesh, by place, by time. We are not, in this current form, limitless and infinite. When we die, sure, but we are not dead right now. Nor would it be healthy to bypass this human experience in the pursuit of purely spiritual desires that completely out of body because that’s avoidance.

So, the takeaway is, spirituality and healing, like all spaces can be a mixed bag. There are people with a lot of trauma and a unchecked mental illnesses/personality disorders that are harder to see when it is disguised as spiritual. That’s why there are so many spiritual cults and guru abuse- because energetic and spiritual abuse, narcissism and sociopathy are can easily be concealed. If you just think about it- there are a lot of weaponize-able spiritual beliefs, for instance:

1. the idea that everything you encounter has roots in some part of you- that it’s all mirrored

2. our experience is a simulation

If you’ve been in the spiritual field at all, you’ve 99% heard of one of these “doctrines”- these are perfectly convenient for abusive situations. For #1, if someone does harm to you, it’s a massive gaslight and a strategy of mental abuse to blame shift it onto the person who is victimized in the situation and say, oh, that’s because it’s reflecting something inside of you!!! You’re the bad guy!! I mean, this is nothing more than the narcissistic cheater who blame shifts to their innocent partner and blames them for cheating when they are the one cheating themselves or claiming that person is crazy for having these thoughts.

#2. This takes away the culpability of our actions. If we believe that we are not experiencing true reality, then we cannot empathize properly with another person because they are but a “character” in our video game that we can choose to maneuver however we want. If we believe that everything is a simulation, then nothing can have the weight of intentionality and accountability. This is a sociopathic set up.

Reiki Testimonial

My client C. C. wrote me the day after his first remote reiki session:

Your reiki healing is serious business. I feel profound shifts taking place—old energy still clearing out and am looking forward how energy settles in next few days—things feel brighter and clearer already. I did not know what to expect but the after was so intense in the best way possible, almost like a trip. Definitely will be back for a tune up when it is time

Most people report vivid dreams, elation, relaxation and immediately noticeable benefits right after, but the full shifts (and anchored in intentions if you chose to program those in) usually take a few days.

As you continue to do these sessions, you will usually become more sensitized to the energy of the session before, during and after. As more of your density gets cleared away, you will become more attuned to energy shifts and more open to receive healing. It will also become much easier to program in intentions and see those changes happening in your life right away.

With reiki, we can adjust the subtlest to the most pronounced things. You can choose to program in new beliefs, even rewire the mind. If you think about it- everything, I mean EVERYTHING in your body runs on electric impulses. It’s all energy- synapses, neural networks, nerve impulses etc... so the primary form of change that your body understands is ENERGETIC. With reiki and my particular skill set, we target the most subatomic energies in your body for drastic shifts by influencing them to be how you want them to be.

Primarily, we are ENERGY. At the most basic level, even our cells communicate via energy. We consume calories, which become energy in the body. I think when people who don’t understand this think about the body, they think in terms of matter- i.e. bones, skin, etc.. But… what is holding this matter together? What is holding these atoms together? How do they communicate?

Right.

That’s why these sessions are effective.

Outgrowing

When we’re on the path of growth, ascension, healing, whatever you choose to call it, you invariably start adopting your own pace that’s a reflection of your vibration. It’s really difficult for two people to travel vibrationally at the same rate because we’re all unique.

Something I’m learning through my own path is that there will be times that are very uncomfortable as we shift into new ways of being. The matches externally die out as we shed new skin, and we can no longer match certain people in our lives that we, at lower frequencies thought we’d know for a lot longer. It can come very suddenly and can often times be very jarring. Why does it feel like I can no longer talk to this person? Why am I suddenly dreading responding to them, like my energy doesn’t want to go near them? These are some of the thoughts that pop up when I reach this stage. It’s not avoidance, because nothing changed in the relationship— but, I changed.

Sometime we outgrow our teachers. I’ve had teachers and healers, and sometimes both are the same, meet me when they were of a much higher vibration. But, somewhere along the way I rose in frequency above them and their words, teachings, healings, no longer carry any resonance for me. Their truth is not my truth, even if I once saw it as the truth. I’ve come to find that in these cases, either they will shift out something just won’t work— like you can’t seem to coordinate a time to meet, or what once felt really easy to align won’t anymore. Sometimes it’s not just a scheduling mishap- it’s literally something in the connection that’s out of alignment. When you match with someone, things feel more effortless. When things start to tip out of balance, you’ll know too.

The most important thing here is respecting your own vibration. I feel that human beings often confuse things and think we’re all the same, or there’s one path. But people come into this world with different levels of skillsets and some move faster and some move slower. Everyone has their natural cadence, strengths and weaknesses and they can’t be assessed based on one set of criteria. People will also hold you to their own limits, whether they’re conscious or unconscious. So if you allow them to determine where you can go and where you are, you’re agreeing to their limits which may hold you back. Limits may feel safe to begin with because they establish a certain code of conduct, or way of understanding/relating, as you’re adjusting to a new framework. But, if you stay true to you, you’ll know when it’s time to move and stretch your container. You also know when someone is growing continuously and not imposing limits on you.

For me, it’s become more and more important to find people who do not have limits. These are people who’ve made the impossible possible, because these are people who do not think about the world in limits and do not look at me that way either. They often tend to attract a higher caliber (and I mean this as vibration and consciousness) of people who also exceed imposed limits that are decided based on limited consciousness and a consensus, an average.

Jamie Sam’s book Dancing the Dream talks about various paths that we walk. Sometimes, people skip certain paths and come back later to review, some people get stuck on one path, some people move through all swiftly. Our teachers also need to be a few paths farther than us so they can show us the way. In those uncomfortable moments when we’re shifting out of paths and everyone else is still where we left them, it’s important to just breathe and know that just because there’s an empty space now doesn’t mean that new people won’t come in, or the universe won’t guide you towards another teacher. In fact, it’s the empty space that is the very thing that will attract those people to you faster. This is the important moment of self-mastery where we do need to be conscious of what comes up- fear, loneliness, grief etc.. we need to feel them, honor them, but we don’t need to let them overtake us and sacrifice our own vibration to scratch an itch.

It’s very human to want to run back to what we know, but the spiritual path requires us to have integrity with regards to our own journey and our own reason for being here. Some mindset coaches will tell you to transcend the emotion. I’m not, I’m saying that it’s important to feel them through, but that we don’t always have to act on them. We most certainly don’t want to suppress them, or bypass them, or “transcend” them. We need to be honest with ourselves, use our tools to process, but ultimately make informed decisions based on prioritizing our greatest good.

Regardless, the main takeaway in all of this is, sometimes someone’s truth can be your truth for a while, but there is never an absolute truth and in finding our own truth and sovereignty we need to remember that we have the power to decide what is true for us, even if it’s true for someone else.