Life Update

It’s been a while that I’ve posted anything personal on here.

Almost 2 years ago, I sustained a near fatal injury that I still haven’t fully recovered from. One of the lasting impacts of this was brain damage. Although this path was painful, there was a large part of me, my intuitive knowing, that reassured me that this was the path. We can’t expect “the path”, meaning, our spiritual path, to be a smooth one. It’s meant to be one filled with challenges and events that look like terrible things at the onset, but later reveal a greater wisdom.

Yes, my last 2 years were extremely extremely difficult. But yet, even in the darkest days I found a certain beauty. I found a path to awakening, a path to healing, a path to deeper self love, self care and commitment. I learned truly how to put myself first and set clear boundaries around my time. The amount of self work I’ve been able to complete I couldn’t have done in 15 years time had this not happened. And, it’s in a strange way, set me up for the rest of my life- I now have a foundation of nutrition, biohacking, sleep hygiene, exercise that is so meticulous that I would never have been able to put together had it not been a life or death situation. I mention biohacking because what happened to me was something that on the physical side, makes someone lose their hair, destroys DNA (so then your body can’t synthesize protein or collagen) and changes body composition and contributes to obesity. So in essence, it ages you and destroys your metabolism, but I was able to reverse age and get my body nearly back to its original composition through research, trial and error and a deeply committed approach to cleansing and healing.

On the emotional/mental side, what happened to me not only destroyed my brain chemistry and hormones, but also causes intense anxiety and depression. My baseline for happiness dropped so much that in this difficult journey to regulate it, even the smallest joys or the hour long windows where I feel nearly normal are celebrated. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, and that in itself is a liberating state however hard it was to come by. You can’t appreciate things if you don’t have the right state of mind, after all.

In the past 6 months at least, I’ve struggled with symptoms that look close to early on-set dementia. That’s been something that’s very challenging to cope with, however, I have also noticed that my intuitive abilities, spiritual abilities, extrasensory abilities however you want to address them, have increased exponentially. Intuitive hits used to come in fast- but now it’s like a race car and the depth to which I can perceive and synthesize the metaphysical have reached a level that I’m even having difficulty comprehending.

It hit me like a lightning bolt yesterday- I remember in my studies of psych/neuroscience that sometimes when people experience head trauma they will suddenly be able to access psychic abilities they previously didn’t have. Or, sometimes after a car accident someone will have a life changing kundalini awakening that induces phenomena (I’ve met someone this happened to- he developed the ability to see auras). Or, sometimes people have what is called savant syndrome where one part of the brain is damaged and that activates (or lessens the inhibition) another part of the brain that suddenly breathes life to dormant high level abilities. The ever famous Phineas Gage who had a metal rod run through his head had a total personality makeover. In all of these cases, damage was done to the left frontal lobe.

The parts of my brain that were damaged include the frontal and the parietal lobe. I have a sense that because of this, my brain overcompensated by rewiring and activating other parts of my brain that are not damaged, one of which is the center of intuition. When I tune in, I can actually feel that the lower part of my brain feels much more active and energized that I’ve ever noticed before. With each day, it feels stronger, too.

That may not be the main purpose of this pathway that I travelled, but it is one of the purposes, I’m told intuitively. I also know that this is a permanent change, as my brain trauma heals the wiring will also repair, but the networks will already be established in the lower regions and stay active.

Upon researching, I found confirmation from neuroscientists, and to me this is such a revelation.

Just like any type of trauma for which I’m not thankful for, what results is a cataclysmic chain of events that are as much of, or more of, its contrast (should you be a beauty seeker, a healer, someone who can stay the course and use it as such). I’ve been stuck in moments of self-pity or wallowing in the unfairness of it all as I have about traumatic events from the past, but until we “zoom out” we can’t see what it’s all for and why we had to endure it. In fact, we might not even be able to see that part of us selected it. Because it’s meant to make us better.

So here I am today, with a full head of hair, with my body in probably the best shape of my life, with a level of self-unity that I’ve never come close to before. I may not be able to think straight still, and still feel sick most days, still have a pounding headache and brain fog, but what I do have is a rapidly healing brain that is accelerating past what is considered “normal” abilities (not that I ever considered myself as someone with “normal” abilities nor I’m sure, does anyone who is reading this blog). I can now see that there was no other way for me to get here in as short of a span of time as this has been, despite it feeling way too long. And I can see that the joy, the health, and the success that I’ll experience for the rest of my life is due in part to who I am today and the path of fire I was able to walk through in one piece. And to get here, this is due in part to the little girl I once was, who bravely walked through the fires of her childhood too, alone, but always whole.

Remote Reiki Testimonial

I received a lovely testimonial from a new client, Paris, after her remote reiki session.

I just wanted to thank you so so much for our reiki session. The morning after our session, I felt a clearness within that I don’t recall ever feeling before. It felt like the feeling after you’ve deep cleaned your home and just lit a candle. Relief, calmness and inspiration are just a few things that I’ve experienced in the months that followed. Before this session, I struggled with the path I wanted my life to go in. I felt like I was making some progress in the right direction but still missing the mark. After the session, I had an epiphany that seemed so obvious that it was almost laughable. Now I am taking steps in this new direction and I feel so inspired and alive.  

10-Series Testimonial

Working with Gigi and to watch her bloom into her next phase in life, a phase of life marked by independence and spiritual sovereignty is so wonderful. Our “meeting” was marked by tons of synchronicity and resonant symbols. It’s very common for the highly gifted- spiritually speaking, to be born into systems that don’t support us, and part of our spiritual journey comes from liberating ourselves from the past so we can move forward in all ways as a pure being, unrestrained by the energy and the conditioning of our systems past.

Sometimes we are told certain things about ourselves and we learn to believe them to play our “part” in the dysfunction of those around us. It can impinge on our own belief about ourselves and our capabilities, when in reality it is not true- it is just a learned behavior to stay “in-group”. Of course these parts are not always easiest to recognize, nor are they to heal and release. That’s where I come in.

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“It feels like an impossible task to even begin to put into words the kind of experience or impact this 10 series had on me/my life...so impossible it's funny.

I have been in and out of therapy for a decade, I've read almost every lauded self-help and spirituality book that exists, but it wasn't until the sessions Maria helped facilitate did I start to feel like I could actually see myself for the first time....ever! in my whole life.

i feel changed. i feel like a me that finally is on her way to a life i knew i always felt could be mine but i felt soooo far away from. and didn't understand why. and didn't know how to get closer. maria helps you bridge those gaps.

there was and continues to be SO MUCH about myself i didn't know. it isn't a cure all, this work is continuous and life long. but i feel like the forest has cleared a bit and i can see a path AND i'm excited to walk it and even tho i am alone, i feel for the first time, capable, unafraid, and excited.

i don't know. if you're feeling called to this work and you're looking for assurance that this will mean something or make an impact...i don't know if i or anyone can really give you that but it meant a lot to me. it made a huge impact on me. i feel closest to myself than i have ever been and this work + therapy has been doing wonders for my ability to show up for myself and create a life i love and don't want to escape from,”

Clairvoyant Readings: The Good and the Bad

Over the years, not only have I given thousands of readings, I’ve also received that many. I’m curious about other styles because I find it helps me have a better grasp of the territory if I not only garner experience, but experience the opposite side. It is my firm belief that you cannot be a good reader unless you’ve also been on the receiving side because that’s the only way you know what the readee wants, looks for, needs, how it feels.

I’ve encountered gifted readers, definitely. I’ve had delightful readings. However, a few things I’ve noticed that I dislike are:

• When someone is just lost in their own reading space and doesn’t engage you at all

• When someone can’t access anything and puts the blame on you

• When someone forcibly makes predictions or tries to convince you you’re powerless

• When someone forcibly tells you they’re always right, if you challenge them in any way

• When someone makes ASSUMPTIONS or tries to put you down in the reading space (this seems to happen more with inexperienced readers who are working through their ego lessons)

• When someone has their own filters they haven’t worked through and see you through them

• When someone’s energy is NOT clean and therefore interferes, lowers, messes with your energy

• When someone’s intentions are not pure and they are not reading for the highest good, but trying to meet their own needs

• When someone reads in a way that makes you feel hopeless

• When someone chit chats and just starts talking about themselves with no relevance to what they’re reading

• When someone takes WAY too long getting images or transitioning (the pacing is IMPORTANT!)

I’ve had some terrible experiences now that I think about it, ones in which I knew the person was trying to instill fear, panic, anxiety. My energy literally BLOCKED the reading from going any further.

Now, I know, clairvoyant readings are NOT easy. They require a lot of skill, not just intuitively, but your clairvoyance needs to be well developed and honed and your psychological filters need to be cleared in the reading space. Not to mention, you need to have the interpersonal skills and the background to know how to hold space while negotiating when you jump in to offer more, and when to pull back, and when to offer (if you have them available) your other clair-faculties. I’m at once submerged in your world- not just through seeing, but feeling, hearing, knowing. Sometimes, you as a reader need to know how to steer the reading when your client may not know how or what to ask, and other times, you need to be a passive channel so you do not interfere with the informational flow that is coming through. Meanwhile, you also need to be available and present enough to handle the emotional and energetic labor that definitely is required because your readee may be processing a lot of stuff.

I am up for the challenge. I LOVE reading. Yes, sometimes it is very draining. Sometimes I’m handling a lot of emotional processing and negative energy. Sometimes I’m placed in the position to not only do all the above, but to help my client parse out what they’re trying to say or know or ask. I consider this a real labor of love, something that my particular gifts are made for. There have been some instances in my intuitive development that I have felt taken advantage of or resentful in the amount of work I do for others, or just simply don’t want to practice because it feels so difficult at times (yes, at the beginning of my practice, I was so drained from one or two in-person sessions I couldn’t get up over the weekend. This work can take a toll), but I have NEVER once felt that way about clairvoyant readings. It is my blessing to be able to share them and the miracles that unfold after are always surprising and beautiful to know. I am more than grateful that some of you are so receptive to the readings and have found benefits to it. You have no idea how good it is to know that all my experiences, life, training and otherwise, are not in vain.

I feel that as a reader we all get access to different levels of “stuff”. Mine happens to hit the deeper layers of trauma sometimes, and I deeply believe that we get what we can handle, meaning, I am capable of handling the hard stuff and delivering it with grace. I know sometimes the truth can hurt, but I’m also aware that most times the truth is what we’re after. It’s precision that matters, and also, knowing how to communicate this information that is a skill for sure. I have a friend who was talking about her ideas about radical honesty and in her mind it was permission to say whatever you want at all times, and my response was that yes it’s great to be open and honest, but it’s lacking a sense of social awareness if we just go around saying everything we feel all the time because words can hurt other people. We need to have a level of cultivation around sensitive topics, we need to have tact, sophistication, we need to know how we impact others and we need to also know not to instill fear.

So, here’s what I appreciate about clairvoyant readings:

• a real grasp of the clairvoyant space, and in knowing what the readee is ready and wanting to access

• a real fluid template, where shifts can happen quickly if the readee wants to move on to something else

• limited chitchat, lean communication, only saying what is necessary

• allowing the readee to take priority

• sensitivity to the contents and to the experience of the readee

• checking in

• knowing when to volunteer a healing and being respectful of boundaries

• knowing what is being communicated from the readee and the guides you work with, meaning, sometimes you’re not just a channel, you’re also a translator!

• active, VERY active listening. Reading between the lines.

• great energy

• a wide database of imagery, so that the reader can also help you decipher certain images when they come through so you’re not left alone trying to understand an image

• If something comes through in a scary way, to know how to communicate it with love and empowerment

• the willingness to help you look into deep dark compartments

• the feeling that someone is with you 100% and committed to the reading

• sometimes knowing to ask certain things even if you are not being asked- basically, being one step ahead because you are thinking of the client’s time and you want then to get as much out of it as possible

• emotional intelligence!!!!

• honoring the openness in the energetic communication

• integrity

I know, I know, I’m tough. But from all these years of experience, this is what I’ve discovered. And this is what I want to offer you during each of my sessions. And hopefully by offering this information to you too, it saves you a lot of time and money because I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on countless readers over the years.

Thank you to everyone who I’ve had the pleasure of reading with, who’ve helped me hone my abilities. Truly.

You have no idea how nervous I was the first time I ever tried. It’s crazy to me that there was once a time I couldn’t “see”, as in, didn’t have clairvoyant abilities, or at least not to my knowledge. I remember the first fuzzy image that ever came through. It was an image of cucumbers on the kitchen counter. Then, I could barely make out someone’s hands chopping them. I felt so stupid, but I said it anyway. “I was just making a cucumber salad” said my first practice readee. “Oh, I could maybe do this…” I thought. I’ve come a long way, but it is my belief that this isn’t the first time I’ve ever activated this Clair faculty. I’m sure I must’ve used it quite a lot in other lives. This one in particular I’m fascinated by. I have different relationships with each of my Clairs and they all developed at different times, and this one, I just LOVE.

Which clair faculty is your favorite? What do you love about it? Hate about it?

Would love to know your experience in the comments.

How to Navigate and Understand Sensitivity

I had always known that I was more sensitive to my environments and stimulus than other people. For most of my childhood I had anxiety because I was constantly overstimulated. Our world is not built for people like me!

I’m not only an introvert, empath, but I would also consider myself an HSP. Dr. Elaine Aron has written a series of books about the HSP temperament that I’ve found incredibly helpful. You can take a look at them here.

Other resources that helped me along the way:

Introversion- Quiet by Susan Cain

Empathy- The Empath’s Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff

I had a lot of shame around this because most people don’t think positively of sensitivity. I heard it all the time: You’re too sensitive!

Some of it was gas-lighty, sure, but some other times I knew that my sensitivity could be harmful in my interpersonal relationships and in my relationship with the world, especially in cut-throat environments. In our dealings with people, we don’t want to be oversensitive, even if we are hyper sensitive, if you know what I mean.

As I grew, I started to see how my sensitivity was in fact, a gift. It allowed me a level of awareness in the world that was very rare- most of my bosses could see this and identified it as a strength. One of my former bosses even told me, “everyone can use a spreadsheet. But not that many people can see the world like you do,”. It allowed me a level of perception of people’s motives, of power structures and dynamics that most people missed, and in fact, elevated me in situations when people would seek my consult. My bosses would often ask me, “what do you think?” about people, projects, etc.. even when I was in my early 20’s. In Elaine Aron’s work, she does say that HSP is an adaptive trait in human hierarchy, that it allows HSPs to rise quickly to the top of the social structure because of their abilities to perceive cues in the environment that the rest of the social group misses. Unfortunately, this caused big rifts in my workspaces, because this led to jealousy with my more senior co-workers who were not being asked. My main wish here is that I wasn’t oversensitive to the jealousy and sabotage, in a way that made me not want to contribute my strengths. It mattered more to me then to fit in.

I could also process individual cues faster, not just in environments, but with people. Their very subtle body language, tone, energetic shifts, were things that were not lost on me. Later in life, with the work that I do now in healing, sensitivity is my most dependable resource. That’s how I can detect subtle shifts in the body and in the energy even without seeing the person. A lot of this work rests in subtlety, and the ability to detect nuances is what is able to generate healing on a faster level because it allows me to be precise. Think about it- it’s better to go with the sensitive surgeon because he’s able to cut into very specific areas, whereas an insensitive surgeon wouldn’t be as perceptive and might knick an artery. Would I trade my sensitivity for anything? Now, no. If you asked me a few years ago, well, I tried.

I was in the wrong environments because back then I wasn’t as educated about my temperament. I tried to be like everyone else, but most people are not HSPs. There were even times in my life during which I experienced such desperation to “turn it off” that I went on anti-depressants just to be able to dull it out and be what I thought was more “functional”, which is less sensitive. At that time, I didn’t know that a lot of my anxiety was a result of overstimulation, but it was also a result of unprocessed trauma I wasn’t fully aware I had. It didn’t matter, though, I wanted it to be over with.

Initially, I did feel relief. But then I noticed that my creativity was gone. The way my mind engaged the world was gone. I couldn’t think as clearly. I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t feel anything at all. I try to look at all things neutrally- I know that medication can help a lot of people, but for me there was a tradeoff, and after some time I realized that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my sensitivity anymore and instead, learned to work with it.

It’s a double edged sword. I noticed this since I was little, how I was super sensitive even to coffee, or alcohol, or even medications that didn’t affect the majority the way it did for me. I had to be on the lowest micro dosage of everything if I ever needed any. One cup of coffee has me bouncing off the walls. I’ve since realized that my temperament is one that is best without any coffee or substances at all. A glass of wine every once in a while is fine, green tea is fine. It’s best to learn where your limits are so you can find your balance easier.

As I became even MORE sensitive in an energetic way after my spiritual awakening, it made it hard to engage with the outside world. As in, (and most of you who’ve experienced an awakening can testify to) public transportation, crowded spaces, can be really difficult to be in. You might even sense electromagnetic waves more and it could be too much. Sometimes people’s energies were just too much. I couldn’t socialize the same way- being in bars drained the sh** out of me. I couldn’t go out like I used to, I couldn’t be around a ton of people, I couldn’t even socialize in groups sometimes if someone’s energy was off. My sensitivity led to me feeling really isolated. I could tell that some of my friends and partners wanted me to be less of it, and sometimes they even told me- but in all those cases yes I felt bad, but I also knew that developing my sensitivity was key to me and my ability to help people. At one point in my life recently, I realized that I’m putting in the work to develop a healthy ability to manage it, and so the people in my life don’t need to be sensitive themselves, but they need to be understanding and accepting of it. Or at least willing to develop certain tools too.

The process of developing a healthier relationship with my sensitivity and integrate it began with first identifying the trauma around sensitivity. I first decoded what was gaslighting, and what was truly being oversensitive in situations that didn’t warrant it. I started setting boundaries around gaslighting. I started checking in with my intuition more, and then I began distinguishing the two pronged effect of my sensitivity.

One I’ll call harmful sensitivity. Harmful sensitivity is when we take things really personally, even slight remarks. Harmful sensitivity is what causes people around you to feel like they’re walking on eggshells because you might blow up if someone says something they perceive as innocuous even if you don’t. This is a result of the wounded ego- something still hasn’t been fully healed around self-concept, not to mention it’s the ego functioning in an immature way, because it still believes that “all things have to do with me” which is the way that a child’s ego forms initially before it begins to consciously recognize that nothing really is personal. It’s loosely an inability to get outside of oneself to see that other people may be projecting, or working through their own things at that moment, too.

The harmful side can also manifest in taking in criticism. It can really hurt an HSP when someone says something negative, in fact I can find myself ruminating on it all day. It doesn’t slide off my back easier than it would if I were less sensitive. Even if I don’t take it so personally, I can find myself questioning a lot and really feeling the pain and rejection of it.

When HSPs don’t develop good self-regulation and empathy regulation, then they can also go into a state of shock/overstimulation where the nervous system is overactive. This causes burnout, adrenal depletion, and also it makes HSPs get hyper agitated. I’ve noticed in myself and in other HSPs that one of the tell tale signs, or maybe even symptoms of this state is a dependency on caffeine. It’s a chicken or the egg situation, because sometimes caffeine can induce this state as well.

Then there’s resourceful sensitivity, which is the one that allows you to hone in to specifics and environmental cues. This one is a tool- and it actually functions well when there’s a bit of detachment, too. That’s not to say you bypass from it, but you detach from it enough so that it can be an objective tool. The more subjective you become with it, the more it verges on being harmful.

Resourceful sensitivity on a personal level allows you to bounce back quickly. Most of the VERY HSP clients I’ve worked with can take in the work so easily, it’s like they absorb it, and their energy literally integrates it overnight. It takes little recovery time compared to people who aren’t sensitive. I’ve also noticed how I can really take in all information, from classrooms to dance classes. It doesn’t take a lot, I’m processing so many cues at once, so quickly. It also means that I can get over breakups or losses a lot faster than most people because I can feel all the deeper emotions faster. My body even recovers faster from injuries than most people, so it’s happening on all levels. It’s really a miracle, when treated this way.

One caveat here that I find odd, is that on a body level I’m not really that sensitive. As in, it takes me a lot to register pain- and when I was a really little kid and I’d get my blood drawn, the doctors would give me a whole roll of stickers because they said I was the only kid who didn’t cry. I don’t think sensitivity always is the same on physical, emotional, mental levels. And there’s also a lot of mental/emotional toughness too. I do believe that someone who is very sensitive is stronger than most, because I know first hand how tough it is to get around in this world with that level of sensitivity! So, it really is a cause of celebration, and a continual process of working on this for yourself so that you’re at peace with how it functions in your life.