10-Series Testimonial

Working with Gigi and to watch her bloom into her next phase in life, a phase of life marked by independence and spiritual sovereignty is so wonderful. Our “meeting” was marked by tons of synchronicity and resonant symbols. It’s very common for the highly gifted- spiritually speaking, to be born into systems that don’t support us, and part of our spiritual journey comes from liberating ourselves from the past so we can move forward in all ways as a pure being, unrestrained by the energy and the conditioning of our systems past.

Sometimes we are told certain things about ourselves and we learn to believe them to play our “part” in the dysfunction of those around us. It can impinge on our own belief about ourselves and our capabilities, when in reality it is not true- it is just a learned behavior to stay “in-group”. Of course these parts are not always easiest to recognize, nor are they to heal and release. That’s where I come in.

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“It feels like an impossible task to even begin to put into words the kind of experience or impact this 10 series had on me/my life...so impossible it's funny.

I have been in and out of therapy for a decade, I've read almost every lauded self-help and spirituality book that exists, but it wasn't until the sessions Maria helped facilitate did I start to feel like I could actually see myself for the first time....ever! in my whole life.

i feel changed. i feel like a me that finally is on her way to a life i knew i always felt could be mine but i felt soooo far away from. and didn't understand why. and didn't know how to get closer. maria helps you bridge those gaps.

there was and continues to be SO MUCH about myself i didn't know. it isn't a cure all, this work is continuous and life long. but i feel like the forest has cleared a bit and i can see a path AND i'm excited to walk it and even tho i am alone, i feel for the first time, capable, unafraid, and excited.

i don't know. if you're feeling called to this work and you're looking for assurance that this will mean something or make an impact...i don't know if i or anyone can really give you that but it meant a lot to me. it made a huge impact on me. i feel closest to myself than i have ever been and this work + therapy has been doing wonders for my ability to show up for myself and create a life i love and don't want to escape from,”

Staying In Your Own Experience

One of the biggest life lessons I’ve ever learned was in an acting class a few years ago. It has even transformed my whole practice.

That’s what I think is beautiful about life, we can make all these connections based on things that seemingly are not connected at all. In the scheme of things, everything we learn becomes a composite within us, and is coming from the knowledge of a collective experience. So all things create what we are, and all ways of learning can enrich our direct experience.

Just a little background, at the beginning stages of my spiritual awakening, I was hungry for knowledge pertaining to healing and esoterics. But then at later stages, like the one I’m in now, I’m learning about broader concepts, life philosophies that broaden my whole understanding about life through nature, through disciplines. It’s really amazing how much we can pull from various subjects.

Anyway, in this acting class my teacher, who was a gifted empath herself, stopped me mid-scene and said, “Maria, you take care of your partner so much in your scenes. Energetically it comes through. Focus on your own experience, it gives your partner more to respond to,”

That clicked. Well, it took some time for me to really digest it. But I understood she meant that my default was that I wanted my partner to be okay, for my lines not to impact them too hard, but by doing that I was robbing them of their own experience. It wasn’t intentional, I had good intentions for taking care of their feelings, but by focusing on them so much I wasn’t contributing the other half of what was necessary for a scene to work. If I had a strong emotion, I needed to bring it, and if it took my partner back, that was their work. In totality, that was the scene.

Having been trained from a young age to naturally be a caretaker, it was like flipping my whole world upside down. I didn’t know how to have my own experience, my own emotions, if I’m honest. So the work began to take shape as I started to dig deeper and find my own emotions, those ones I pushed down in favor of helping others through their own.

In a scene from a few months ago, I remember having a very strong reaction and you could see how hard it hit my partner. He didn’t know what to do, emotionally. As he struggled, you could see that it transformed the way he related to the scene. He suddenly felt so vulnerable, and then he felt so bad because he saw/felt how his words had impacted me, and then our scene developed contours that weren’t there before.

As this framework settled into my life, I noticed that yes, obviously my job involves focusing on my clients’ experiences and emotions, but that the more I have my own experiences (and contain them, for the session) the more my clients have theirs. If I’m lost in the healing, if I’m not there, then I’m not holding space. Although I’m completely focused on my client, I also need to be a very anchored and strong force that comes with the entirety of my life experience and knowledge.

Back when I started healing, I was still working through a lot of the healer/empath dilemma. I was so sensitive to the suffering of others, and that pulls you into the dangerous rescuer dynamic. I always put my clients first, so much that I couldn’t really have my own life. I gave all of my energy, absorbed all their pain, and had nothing left for myself. I’d drop everything if a client needed me. And you know what, that’s not okay.

I will never bring my own stories into sessions unless it's necessary, as sometimes guides will ask of me to share personal experiences to ground certain lessons, but I think that to be a well-balanced healer requires you to focus on living your own life, discovering your own emotions for the 75% of the other time you’re not healing. My balance before was more like 20-80, 20 for me. I’ve noticed that even in that 75% though, it’s about my own healing. The more I can show up sovereign, empowered, the more my clients can too.

That’s something I’m coming to appreciate more and more about being a healer. It’s a calling for me that runs so deep, but more than that, it’s my ikigai— that sweet spot where you don’t feel like you’re working when you’re working. It comes so naturally to me, and I recognize that by having signed this “pact” so to speak to be of service, it means that I understand that healing myself is a continual process and essential for my work. So all opportunities are growth opportunities, and my whole life is based around healing, but not all allocated for the actual healing work itself. It requires you to have a strong sense of self, but also a well contained ego.

The Nature of Desire and Power

Sometimes someone comes into our lives and we can’t get enough of that person. We might know why consciously, and many times we don’t because the desire is unconscious. There’s something that perhaps we want from them, or feel as though they provide for us whether it’s something we didn’t get in our childhoods, or that we feel like we’re missing.

A lot of time this happens in romantic relationships- there’s a desire to be filled by the other person.

The issue here is, the moment you think that someone else can give you something that you can’t give yourself, you give up some of your power.

Read that again.

So it’s important to get clear when you feel that spark with someone, or that longing. It’s natural to desire someone without any other motives, of course, but I’m talking about a deeper longing that makes us chase after the person, or feel like we might not be okay without them. Getting clear on this is crucial. What is it that you think they can offer you, and why is it you can’t give it to yourself?

Support and need are very different. People can support each other, but the longing, the pull of needing someone to be okay is something else. This usually leads to a toxic foundation for a relationship.

The hack here is- figure out how you can give it to yourself. If it’s not something you can give to yourself, why? Of course there are things like physical contact or presence or conversation, that we all need another person for, but try to distill those too. When we miss someone’s presence, sometimes that can indicate we’re not fully present with ourselves, or it could indicate trouble perhaps, being alone (and this one is always rife to unpack).

The aim of this exercise isn’t so that you don’t ever need someone else and you can self-quarantine forever, it’s to get to the bottom of what needs you can fill yourself, so that someone else’s presence isn’t something you depend on, more something additive to your life which feels a lot more freeing and healthy.

Lastly, it’s never a good idea to surrender any of your power in a relationship. Of course, power can sometimes be a nebulous topic in any given relationship, but there should be an equal balance, exchange, unless the structure agreed upon differs. But giving up your power to exist in a relationship isn’t wise- compromising isn’t giving up power. Giving up your power does NOT equal love.

Why I say this is because I recently came to realize with the help of a shaman, that in my family, I was taught that to give up your power meant that you loved someone. My parents demanded obedience from me, and didn’t know how to show love. It’s cultural, but also due to their unique backgrounds where they were never taught, and they never felt the need to change or heal. So love didn’t mean anything else except to give myself up. I know it’s not just me. There’s a tendency for women to be conditioned this way- that submission is required in a relationship which might be old fashioned, but also it exists even in modern relationships, even if it’s subtle or nuanced.

Your personal power is yours to give, or hold onto. And this is just one way where you can create a mental check point and keep your power.