As souls, when we “plan” our life lessons for the following incarnation, we will usually have one dominant theme that we plan on learning. We also might have other smaller themes as well.

In the most simplistic sense, whatever it is that we are exploring, we’ll find that we incarnate in the absence of that very thing. That is how we find it.

For example, someone who has chosen to explore “Faith” might incarnate into a community or family that has very little of it. “Hope” might express similarly.

As souls, we often choose the harder path because that’s what we see as opportunity for learning. Most times, if we choose harder lives we ascend faster. That’s why older souls might elect for lives that are filled with poverty and hardship. From a human lens, what we see as “undesirable” in terms of lives, is actually the path of wealth to a soul. Materiality means very little to the soul, because that’s the only impermanence.

From a human lens, it might seem more logical to say, well if I’m exploring a theme of power then shouldn’t I be given a life where I have substantial power? I think it’s a very human ego thing to want things to be given instead of earning, as per the soul. For example, I remember once reading someone’s account of prayer/asking for the universe. She said, be careful what you ask for because it might be given in a way that you didn’t foresee- her example was, she asked for strength, and she then got very tumultuous events in her life and she didn’t understand why. Upon reflection, she realized that when she asked for strength, the universe gave her the very obstacles to cultivate her own.

The adage that we get only what we can handle holds true- older souls get more difficult challenges because through those we expand. If we wanted a cushy life, we’d reap very little benefit from it on a spiritual level, even if our human incarnation in that life is satisfied. Souls do find that human lives are perhaps the most challenging because there’s so much duality. For human egos/minds, duality is a difficult concept- for all the light in the world, there is also so much darkness. It is also true that for your first few lives, especially the first one, “they” and they refers to the specific kind of guide that works with you between lives called “elders” will give you lives that are like training wheels- so many children of celebrities who have substantial means and very little hardship are typically first timers. But from there, resources lessen, or, if you get a very materially wealthy and high status life, you may be fraught with other more difficult challenges. Royalty, for example, is usually not a place where new souls enter because there are many difficult dynamics that most people have very little preparation for.

As you get to the end of your lives, most “last timers” will get a wish fulfillment life wherein the first part is focused on karmic clearing, tying up loose ends which is rife with challenges, but upon completion the rest of the life operates as a reward, but is also fulfilling a spiritual mission. An example would be someone like JK Rowling who I can sense on the soul level is on her last life. Some souls that have completed all of their lives might even choose to come back as a “volunteer” soul to usher in change- someone who I sense is doing this is Angelina Jolie- she’s in essence, working as a benefactor to the world and needs an exceptional platform to do so.

It’s been a while that I’ve posted anything personal on here.

Almost 2 years ago, I sustained a near fatal injury that I still haven’t fully recovered from. One of the lasting impacts of this was brain damage. Although this path was painful, there was a large part of me, my intuitive knowing, that reassured me that this was the path. We can’t expect “the path”, meaning, our spiritual path, to be a smooth one. It’s meant to be one filled with challenges and events that look like terrible things at the onset, but later reveal a greater wisdom.

Yes, my last 2 years were extremely extremely difficult. But yet, even in the darkest days I found a certain beauty. I found a path to awakening, a path to healing, a path to deeper self love, self care and commitment. I learned truly how to put myself first and set clear boundaries around my time. The amount of self work I’ve been able to complete I couldn’t have done in 15 years time had this not happened. And, it’s in a strange way, set me up for the rest of my life- I now have a foundation of nutrition, biohacking, sleep hygiene, exercise that is so meticulous that I would never have been able to put together had it not been a life or death situation. I mention biohacking because what happened to me was something that on the physical side, makes someone lose their hair, destroys DNA (so then your body can’t synthesize protein or collagen) and changes body composition and contributes to obesity. So in essence, it ages you and destroys your metabolism, but I was able to reverse age and get my body nearly back to its original composition through research, trial and error and a deeply committed approach to cleansing and healing.

On the emotional/mental side, what happened to me not only destroyed my brain chemistry and hormones, but also causes intense anxiety and depression. My baseline for happiness dropped so much that in this difficult journey to regulate it, even the smallest joys or the hour long windows where I feel nearly normal are celebrated. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, and that in itself is a liberating state however hard it was to come by. You can’t appreciate things if you don’t have the right state of mind, after all.

In the past 6 months at least, I’ve struggled with symptoms that look close to early on-set dementia. That’s been something that’s very challenging to cope with, however, I have also noticed that my intuitive abilities, spiritual abilities, extrasensory abilities however you want to address them, have increased exponentially. Intuitive hits used to come in fast- but now it’s like a race car and the depth to which I can perceive and synthesize the metaphysical have reached a level that I’m even having difficulty comprehending.

It hit me like a lightning bolt yesterday- I remember in my studies of psych/neuroscience that sometimes when people experience head trauma they will suddenly be able to access psychic abilities they previously didn’t have. Or, sometimes after a car accident someone will have a life changing kundalini awakening that induces phenomena (I’ve met someone this happened to- he developed the ability to see auras). Or, sometimes people have what is called savant syndrome where one part of the brain is damaged and that activates (or lessens the inhibition) another part of the brain that suddenly breathes life to dormant high level abilities. The ever famous Phineas Gage who had a metal rod run through his head had a total personality makeover. In all of these cases, damage was done to the left frontal lobe.

The parts of my brain that were damaged include the frontal and the parietal lobe. I have a sense that because of this, my brain overcompensated by rewiring and activating other parts of my brain that are not damaged, one of which is the center of intuition. When I tune in, I can actually feel that the lower part of my brain feels much more active and energized that I’ve ever noticed before. With each day, it feels stronger, too.

That may not be the main purpose of this pathway that I travelled, but it is one of the purposes, I’m told intuitively. I also know that this is a permanent change, as my brain trauma heals the wiring will also repair, but the networks will already be established in the lower regions and stay active.

Upon researching, I found confirmation from neuroscientists, and to me this is such a revelation.

Just like any type of trauma for which I’m not thankful for, what results is a cataclysmic chain of events that are as much of, or more of, its contrast (should you be a beauty seeker, a healer, someone who can stay the course and use it as such). I’ve been stuck in moments of self-pity or wallowing in the unfairness of it all as I have about traumatic events from the past, but until we “zoom out” we can’t see what it’s all for and why we had to endure it. In fact, we might not even be able to see that part of us selected it. Because it’s meant to make us better.

So here I am today, with a full head of hair, with my body in probably the best shape of my life, with a level of self-unity that I’ve never come close to before. I may not be able to think straight still, and still feel sick most days, still have a pounding headache and brain fog, but what I do have is a rapidly healing brain that is accelerating past what is considered “normal” abilities (not that I ever considered myself as someone with “normal” abilities nor I’m sure, does anyone who is reading this blog). I can now see that there was no other way for me to get here in as short of a span of time as this has been, despite it feeling way too long. And I can see that the joy, the health, and the success that I’ll experience for the rest of my life is due in part to who I am today and the path of fire I was able to walk through in one piece. And to get here, this is due in part to the little girl I once was, who bravely walked through the fires of her childhood too, alone, but always whole.