Karma

How do we know when something is happening FOR us and not TO us?

In understanding how karma works, you have to understand its main purpose: balance. Even if you don’t believe there’s such thing as karma, you must know that there are physics that are involved like the 3rd law of motion: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

So if we just analyze what’s happening in this life presently and not past lives- it works like this: for every thing we do, we are either exerting positive energy/intentions, or exerting negative energy/intentions. Neutral ones don’t apply because there isn’t necessarily a charge, and we can also assume that in a neutral reaction there’s good and bad so the equality is already taken care of within the action itself and does not engender a reaction. Karma isn’t a tit for tat because the energy is affected by its accumulation of force as well as the energy it’s pushing against- will break this down later.

Say a person does something harmful to someone else. It could go either of two ways: maybe they didn’t mean to cause as much damage as they do upon the other person, but they already knew that they were doing something bad. This would release a karmic effect but what we don’t know is when the ricochet effect will take place. Sometimes it’s instant, sometimes it takes decades or even lifetimes. Say this person does something bad and knows, and even intends, to cause harm to another person. Then the amount of intention/energy that’s exerted is far more than the first case and so the ricochet effect will be more intense. However, it can sometimes get carried into the next life, or other ones, in case there’s a karmic contract involved between these two parties which will carry over as karmic debt (and in some cases, this action might even be the cause of the contract to start). Or, sometimes the perpetrator is working on a spiritual lesson in this life that necessitates the karma be returned in this life, then the timeline does matter. When spiritual people tell you there’s no such thing as linear time in the spiritual world, that concept is true in part, but there are specific axis of linear time that is dealt with even in the spiritual sense.

What also impacts this is if someone knows better. For example, if a little kid did harm, it might be innocent because they don’t yet have the awareness to know its cause and effect. That tones down the intention portion of the equation so the negative energy they’re exerting isn’t as strong, therefore their rebound effect also isn’t as strong. Sometimes people who don’t know any better, especially children, will get a “pass” that they’ll never have to “pay” for karmically. But, say you’re very well aware- the level of awareness you have will also strengthen the intention, which strengthens the rebound effect.

Additionally, the charge of the energy that the original action is pushing against will either decelerate or accelerate the rebound effect.

An example: someone does something harmful to a being who has a lot of light in their field- their light acts as a refraction and not only reflects the karma back more intensely, but also can accelerate the karmic rebound. Think about the effect of shining a light directly at a prism- the light is reflected back in different wavelengths, and often times can be even more blinding than the light itself. Basically you’re forced to see the elements of this light broken down—- i.e. you’re forced to experience the rebounded action frame by frame. The light in their field may also push against the negative intention because by nature a person who’s anchored in light already radiates positive intentions, so there’s a energetic reaction taking place much like chemistry- two polarities come together to create a karmic reaction.

There’s also the possibility that someone does something harmful to someone who has harmed a lot of people- i.e. a bounty hunter kills someone who’s done terrible things to people and plans on continuing. In this case, although the murder itself is naturally charged with destructive intentions, there is a positive effect to this as it’s stopping a worse perpetrator and that will neutralize some of the negative karmic effect of the action. Not to mention, there isn’t light in the energy field that pushes back if we assume that this person is very dark triad.

So that brings me to the question of- sometimes when something “bad” happens to someone, is that their karma returning? Or is that simply a challenge they signed up for in this life time?

When there’s negative karma returning, there’s no “lesson”. Instead, it feels like something must be paid, acknowledged or seen. If you tune in to the energy only, it feels dark, cloudy.

When it’s an event that seems negative but isn’t karma, but is karmic in the sense that you’re meant to experience this to grow, you, if you’re tuned into things beyond the veil will sense there’s a lot of guidance around you and the energy feels light. You’ll get a sense that this is positive and spiritual in origin and it’s rife with lessons, and more importantly, there is a way out.

For example, clients will sometimes have me read a loved one who is ill. Although the disease expresses the same, the energy around it is either light and infused with spirituality or it’s dark and very low vibrational.

If it’s a karmic debt, you’ll find that the attachment to a particular person or situation feels unresolved, or to me, “sticky”. But once you resolve the situation by “paying” the debt in whatever form, all of a sudden that attachment is no longer and you feel that the person and situation is no longer tied. You may never revisit the situation again, or never hear from or see the other person ever again.

This is a topic that wouldn’t be able to be fully covered in several books, but here’s a intermediate primer for now.

Integrative Healing 10 Series

It feels important to write about the 10-series I offer, and why one would opt for this series as opposed to individual sessions.

The people who normally book the series are usually following a calling- it’s a calling of big transformation for them, either they’re in their spiritual awakening process or a spiritual expansion phase. If you somehow keep gravitating towards this idea, there’s a reason. It’s in our egos to have resistance and to make excuses, but if it’s a spiritual calling, the universe will support it in all ways including materially because the way we expand is exponential.

What this series is is a deep dive into trauma release, de-programming and re-programming. We’ll work to uncover unhealthy beliefs and rework them to streamline your internal process, to get you into your alignment. A lot of this work goes into imprints from past lives and from your present past. Our realities are determined by how we perceive and react to stimulus. If we change what that stimulus means by clearing all of what it meant to us before, we can respond in a renewed way that changes all outcomes, and brings forth new possibilities.

This work spans multiple levels and multiple dimensions— it’s somatic work all the way to spiritual work.

Commitment to the series is a big one-with the regularity of working together every week, it establishes a container for the work that helps us go deeper and helps us have the continuity required for clearing out the nitty gritty and reinforcing new beliefs and behaviors.

More than anything, at the end of the 10 series it’s a timeline shift to one that matches your new vibration of abundance, love, harmony and self-love. So you can be free and empowered.

One of my first clients mentioned to me after we completed our 10 series that she felt like she could finally live. I think that sums it up beautifully. I think that before we venture into our freedom, we’re stuck in surviving, not thriving.

Hope to “meet” you soon. I’m excited for all your growth and for you to step into your truth and calling.

x M

Dynamics

In recent years I did a family constellation and we left at a very confusing point. My practitioner asked me if I was “the big one or the small one” in relationship to my mom, and my unconscious had a really hard time answering that. I said, “I’m the big one” my mother felt so small to me in that moment.

But there was clearly some confusion and my practitioner said it was time for us to stop, but that it was worthwhile to investigate this. I put it away for a few years because I always felt in some ways older than my own mom, but it made no sense to me consciously.

It clicked today that a crucial element of our dynamic when I left home to go to college was my mom constantly texting me to ask me advice on how to parent my younger siblings. And of course I would always give it to her because in some senses, I recognized that I knew better and she did too. That was normal to me, I never realized how strange it was until just now as I’m healing through deeper layers of my family dynamics.

The thought, my parent asked me for advice on how to parent. That sits awkwardly. How could a parent ask their child how to parent after having been their parent? Isn’t this hard evidence for the fact that she didn’t know how, didn’t learn from parenting me, and was never willing to learn? Isn’t this evidence for the fact that she didn’t parent me? These realizations cut through me in such painful ways because I was gaslit all my life to believe that I was wrong, that they knew better, that every time I called them out on how they were abusing me that it wasn’t actually happening and I was just oversensitive and crazy and that it was all my problem.

It makes me see that I was always supposed to be the little one, and it wasn’t a failure on my part that that dynamic between a child and her mother was never developed for me. When I try to readjust my size, visually, I feel like I don’t trust her. I don’t feel safe as her child. I’d rather be the big one- my parents’ parent.

I think it can be such a strange wakeup call for those of us who were put in the position of caring for the people who were supposed to care for us because it shifts our relationship to the world. I remember that for the longest time I always attracted these people who were supposed to care for me- whether they were mentors, teachers, or therapists or the like, who actually ended up needing my care. I didn’t understand why I was caring for people I was paying to help me, how come no one would help me? These imbalanced and strange relationships made me cringe, yet they were so much of my reality that for a period of years I realized I was better alone and not seeking help. Help came with too many strings and too much of an outpour from me.

It wasn’t until a point in my life when it started to clear, and I found myself seeking help from people who could actually help me and didn’t break boundaries or didn’t insert themselves into my healing. I found that I experienced a lot of distrust because of past experiences, and operated from a place of defense which gradually dropped over a long period of time. There was usually a phase of resistance at the beginning when in my mind I tried to convince myself they couldn’t help me, but I usually stuck through it and gave them more chances. This to me was fear, because they were unfamiliar to me (and for those like me, unfamiliar is usually the safer option) and not intuition. This was another moment in which I needed to learn to distill the two, because there is sometimes intuition in fear too. I notice that pure fear comes from my mind, where as instinctual fear comes from my gut.

These people were safe because they didn’t tell me how to be, didn’t tell me what to do, and didn’t get caught in self indulgent and self absorbed emotional dumps that had nothing to do with me. They actually listened to me and wanted to know what was going on, and paid attention, they responded. This at the outset felt so scary to me because I’d never experienced it before. In these experiences no one is the big one and no one is the small one, they’re meeting me on equal footing and they’re here to guide and support, not be my authority.

That of course shaped a lot of the way that I practice too in my integrative sessions. There’s an interesting dynamic that forms that’s so particular, because I can sense when the inner child needs a gentle authority and is at the forefront of the healing. Sometimes the child needs to be seen, heard, and encouraged, sometimes they need to be attuned to in ways that were needed but never given. This is often before the adult and the child have established a healthy connection. Then at other points in time, I’m relating to the adult, and the adult can then liaise with their own inner child. Some clients need a parental energy at the start, and some others need a fierce advocate where they’ve never had one before to initiate and reinforce their developing security.

For those of you who are unaware, I studied power and gender dynamics extensively for many many years. What’s most interesting is in our imbalanced society we think that power is something that is taken, because so many of us actually feel powerless internally as the world is ruled by narcissists and sociopaths. If someone had an internal sense of power, they’d realize they didn’t need to take it from a source outside of themselves, but that’s just the codependent framework of the world at large. Oppression, suppression, taking.

What I came to realize was that power is something that’s received, if it’s given. Everyone has their own sense of power, and if they surrender it freely then that’s when it can be received. I notice these points when people try to do it in my healing practice, and I gently say no. I remind them of what they’re doing and that they have power, and I ask them to take it back.

I think that practitioners are in positions that can be very influential. That’s why I’m so careful about who I work with, especially energetically. Even if I’m not declaring my power, it’s a soft power. That’s what hypnosis and all of these modalities are- they’re exerting influence for change. No one ever saw a healer because they wanted to stay the same. I think it can be dangerous when someone’s ego gets involved or they’re not sensitive enough to the power dynamics at play because they can convince you to do things for self-serving reasons and not reasons for your, or for the, highest good. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind for me, and for people that I personally hire.

In relating to myself, I’m the big one and the small one simultaneously. As I grow, I learn more about how to parent, and thus parent myself. There are some tangible things that can’t be changed, like how I grew up, but there are elements that can be healed continuously and presently. The dynamic between ourselves is always changing and always has room to grow. That’s where I’m coming to in recent times, is that my relationship to me is the most important relationship I’ll ever have. I may not be able to change what was the dynamic between my mom and me, but my relationship to me is in my full control and I can be hyper aware of the dynamics that I co-create, now.

New Services

I’ve decided to introduce two new sessions!

First one is a half hour clairvoyant healing. This will be less focused on a deep healing and more on specific questions.

Second, which I’m really excited about, is a photo reading. I’ve been doing this for my friends for ages and wanted to introduce it to more people. Basically, my friends will show me a photo of someone and I’ll sense in and tell you what I get intuitively. In person, I just put my hand over the photo and read the energy that comes through. This is useful for those of you who are online dating, or have a photo from someone’s instagram, etc. I’ll scan for what type of energy they read as, what blocks I pick up, red flags, etc.. and sometimes I can even sense whether they’re going to be a good energetic match for you (only if you’re a previous client, since I need some familiarity with your energy)

A lot of people have asked me in the past how online dating works for me, being that I’m so energetically in tune. I’ll just say that it saves me a lot of time because upon one glance of a photo I already know a lot, and especially whether we will have a connection. I will say that in the last few years, every single person I have met I have connected well with, energetically. Vibing things out at the offset saves SO much time.

Note: with the photo reading, please refrain from asking me any specific questions, as those are reserved for the emailed questions. I do this to protect my energy, since the emailed questions are more energetically involved, since I have to tap into your energy alongside the clairvoyant space. You can provide some info, like how you know this person or in what context. If you have follow up questions, then please book an emailed question too.

Book now via my booking page

How to Navigate and Understand Sensitivity

I had always known that I was more sensitive to my environments and stimulus than other people. For most of my childhood I had anxiety because I was constantly overstimulated. Our world is not built for people like me!

I’m not only an introvert, empath, but I would also consider myself an HSP. Dr. Elaine Aron has written a series of books about the HSP temperament that I’ve found incredibly helpful. You can take a look at them here.

Other resources that helped me along the way:

Introversion- Quiet by Susan Cain

Empathy- The Empath’s Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff

I had a lot of shame around this because most people don’t think positively of sensitivity. I heard it all the time: You’re too sensitive!

Some of it was gas-lighty, sure, but some other times I knew that my sensitivity could be harmful in my interpersonal relationships and in my relationship with the world, especially in cut-throat environments. In our dealings with people, we don’t want to be oversensitive, even if we are hyper sensitive, if you know what I mean.

As I grew, I started to see how my sensitivity was in fact, a gift. It allowed me a level of awareness in the world that was very rare- most of my bosses could see this and identified it as a strength. One of my former bosses even told me, “everyone can use a spreadsheet. But not that many people can see the world like you do,”. It allowed me a level of perception of people’s motives, of power structures and dynamics that most people missed, and in fact, elevated me in situations when people would seek my consult. My bosses would often ask me, “what do you think?” about people, projects, etc.. even when I was in my early 20’s. In Elaine Aron’s work, she does say that HSP is an adaptive trait in human hierarchy, that it allows HSPs to rise quickly to the top of the social structure because of their abilities to perceive cues in the environment that the rest of the social group misses. Unfortunately, this caused big rifts in my workspaces, because this led to jealousy with my more senior co-workers who were not being asked. My main wish here is that I wasn’t oversensitive to the jealousy and sabotage, in a way that made me not want to contribute my strengths. It mattered more to me then to fit in.

I could also process individual cues faster, not just in environments, but with people. Their very subtle body language, tone, energetic shifts, were things that were not lost on me. Later in life, with the work that I do now in healing, sensitivity is my most dependable resource. That’s how I can detect subtle shifts in the body and in the energy even without seeing the person. A lot of this work rests in subtlety, and the ability to detect nuances is what is able to generate healing on a faster level because it allows me to be precise. Think about it- it’s better to go with the sensitive surgeon because he’s able to cut into very specific areas, whereas an insensitive surgeon wouldn’t be as perceptive and might knick an artery. Would I trade my sensitivity for anything? Now, no. If you asked me a few years ago, well, I tried.

I was in the wrong environments because back then I wasn’t as educated about my temperament. I tried to be like everyone else, but most people are not HSPs. There were even times in my life during which I experienced such desperation to “turn it off” that I went on anti-depressants just to be able to dull it out and be what I thought was more “functional”, which is less sensitive. At that time, I didn’t know that a lot of my anxiety was a result of overstimulation, but it was also a result of unprocessed trauma I wasn’t fully aware I had. It didn’t matter, though, I wanted it to be over with.

Initially, I did feel relief. But then I noticed that my creativity was gone. The way my mind engaged the world was gone. I couldn’t think as clearly. I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t feel anything at all. I try to look at all things neutrally- I know that medication can help a lot of people, but for me there was a tradeoff, and after some time I realized that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my sensitivity anymore and instead, learned to work with it.

It’s a double edged sword. I noticed this since I was little, how I was super sensitive even to coffee, or alcohol, or even medications that didn’t affect the majority the way it did for me. I had to be on the lowest micro dosage of everything if I ever needed any. One cup of coffee has me bouncing off the walls. I’ve since realized that my temperament is one that is best without any coffee or substances at all. A glass of wine every once in a while is fine, green tea is fine. It’s best to learn where your limits are so you can find your balance easier.

As I became even MORE sensitive in an energetic way after my spiritual awakening, it made it hard to engage with the outside world. As in, (and most of you who’ve experienced an awakening can testify to) public transportation, crowded spaces, can be really difficult to be in. You might even sense electromagnetic waves more and it could be too much. Sometimes people’s energies were just too much. I couldn’t socialize the same way- being in bars drained the sh** out of me. I couldn’t go out like I used to, I couldn’t be around a ton of people, I couldn’t even socialize in groups sometimes if someone’s energy was off. My sensitivity led to me feeling really isolated. I could tell that some of my friends and partners wanted me to be less of it, and sometimes they even told me- but in all those cases yes I felt bad, but I also knew that developing my sensitivity was key to me and my ability to help people. At one point in my life recently, I realized that I’m putting in the work to develop a healthy ability to manage it, and so the people in my life don’t need to be sensitive themselves, but they need to be understanding and accepting of it. Or at least willing to develop certain tools too.

The process of developing a healthier relationship with my sensitivity and integrate it began with first identifying the trauma around sensitivity. I first decoded what was gaslighting, and what was truly being oversensitive in situations that didn’t warrant it. I started setting boundaries around gaslighting. I started checking in with my intuition more, and then I began distinguishing the two pronged effect of my sensitivity.

One I’ll call harmful sensitivity. Harmful sensitivity is when we take things really personally, even slight remarks. Harmful sensitivity is what causes people around you to feel like they’re walking on eggshells because you might blow up if someone says something they perceive as innocuous even if you don’t. This is a result of the wounded ego- something still hasn’t been fully healed around self-concept, not to mention it’s the ego functioning in an immature way, because it still believes that “all things have to do with me” which is the way that a child’s ego forms initially before it begins to consciously recognize that nothing really is personal. It’s loosely an inability to get outside of oneself to see that other people may be projecting, or working through their own things at that moment, too.

The harmful side can also manifest in taking in criticism. It can really hurt an HSP when someone says something negative, in fact I can find myself ruminating on it all day. It doesn’t slide off my back easier than it would if I were less sensitive. Even if I don’t take it so personally, I can find myself questioning a lot and really feeling the pain and rejection of it.

When HSPs don’t develop good self-regulation and empathy regulation, then they can also go into a state of shock/overstimulation where the nervous system is overactive. This causes burnout, adrenal depletion, and also it makes HSPs get hyper agitated. I’ve noticed in myself and in other HSPs that one of the tell tale signs, or maybe even symptoms of this state is a dependency on caffeine. It’s a chicken or the egg situation, because sometimes caffeine can induce this state as well.

Then there’s resourceful sensitivity, which is the one that allows you to hone in to specifics and environmental cues. This one is a tool- and it actually functions well when there’s a bit of detachment, too. That’s not to say you bypass from it, but you detach from it enough so that it can be an objective tool. The more subjective you become with it, the more it verges on being harmful.

Resourceful sensitivity on a personal level allows you to bounce back quickly. Most of the VERY HSP clients I’ve worked with can take in the work so easily, it’s like they absorb it, and their energy literally integrates it overnight. It takes little recovery time compared to people who aren’t sensitive. I’ve also noticed how I can really take in all information, from classrooms to dance classes. It doesn’t take a lot, I’m processing so many cues at once, so quickly. It also means that I can get over breakups or losses a lot faster than most people because I can feel all the deeper emotions faster. My body even recovers faster from injuries than most people, so it’s happening on all levels. It’s really a miracle, when treated this way.

One caveat here that I find odd, is that on a body level I’m not really that sensitive. As in, it takes me a lot to register pain- and when I was a really little kid and I’d get my blood drawn, the doctors would give me a whole roll of stickers because they said I was the only kid who didn’t cry. I don’t think sensitivity always is the same on physical, emotional, mental levels. And there’s also a lot of mental/emotional toughness too. I do believe that someone who is very sensitive is stronger than most, because I know first hand how tough it is to get around in this world with that level of sensitivity! So, it really is a cause of celebration, and a continual process of working on this for yourself so that you’re at peace with how it functions in your life.

From Stuck to Forward Movement

Sometimes when you feel stuck it’s hard to muster the motivation to move forward. Not only that but, it feels safe to be stuck. We may be unconsciously blocking ourselves to “protect” ourselves from new terrains that feel uncomfortable and risky. Change is scary.

How do you combat this?

Realize that the ego goes into resistance whenever there’s a shift. You CAN do this, and you, your soul, knows this. That’s where your power is derived from. Left to your ego, you are powerless because it tries to convince you of your powerlessness. It tells you you can’t, that you’re not good enough, that fear is reasonable and valid.

The first step to take is any step. It’s not about the step itself, and there’s no need to worry about it being the right step to obtain the right outcome. Outcome is secondary, as it can’t come without some movement first. Movement is really about directing the energy toward forward movement that attracts new events.

The 2nd step is to evaluate what it is you want. A better career? More money? Love? Friendship? Be clear about what it is you want and start taking baby steps in each. Put yourself out there, and when you feel resistance, keep going. Resistance is a break through waiting to happen.

As you break through the stuck energy, you’ll see just how easy it is to keep accelerating. The path becomes clear and momentum carries itself. A lot of times, being stuck is just telling us that we lack the confidence to move forward. But confidence is within. The ego/mind hides a lot of our innate confidence, worth from us -- it's not the truth.

you CAN do this! No matter how scary it seems! Recognize that you have support even when you feel that you don't.