The Role of the Practitioner

I find that the ultimate role of the practitioner is one of invisibility. In the work, we’re present, but the work is not about us at all. Meaning, we need to be air-tight with our “stuff”, there’s no room for it, or ego, in session.

Although this practice is a few years old and a few of these modalities are newer, I’ve been healing professionally for almost a decade now. I’ve found that being an effective healer means that we strike the balance of full focus on the client, their energy, what they’re working on, but still being able to offer personal feedback and experience when it can facilitate even deeper understanding and healing for the client when appropriate. This experience is devoid of emotional content, but it’s offered purely as a gift with the intention of aiding someone further in their learning and letting them know they’re not alone in it.

I’ve noticed that when mentoring others in their healing, at the beginning stages it’s hard to distinguish what’s ego, self doubt, and also, separating your own energetic matches from your client’s. It’s easy to put your energy into your sessions (which has the effect of a lot of drain! And can slow down your client’s healing), or to make it about you unconsciously (i.e. I want my client to heal so that I feel good about my work) or to not know if you’re reading something of your clients or your own. I believe this process of separation and distillation becomes easier as time goes on, but also if you commit to healing and dealing with your own stuff outside of the sessions so that you can become clearer, for your work. It is a precarious spot of being both selfless, and meta-conscious.

In my evolution I’ve noticed that it really does become more natural as time goes on.

I’ve also seen countless different healers in the past and have come to realize a few things on this journey:

1. when someone makes it all about themselves with overshares in session, RUN

2. when someone tries to rob you of your autonomy by telling you what you absolutely need to do or makes your choices for you, instead of encouraging you to make your own decisions, (unless you are actually ASKING them to give you a suggestion) RUN

3. when someone doesn’t listen, RUN

4. when someone attributes everything to them- that they are the powerful one RUN

5. when someone spends the majority of the session just being chatty and small talking— waste of time!

6. when someone clearly isn’t dealing with their own stuff or their intentions don’t feel right (their energy will feel dirty or muddy)— RUN

7. when someone makes you feel dependent on them instead of offering you tools and insights for you to work on on your own, RUN. I’ve had many people try to do this to me, they insinuate things to make you feel unhappy, sick, off balance, fearful, hopeless. They distort your reality especially when they see that you’ve made progress and may not need to keep seeing them.

8. when something in your gut tells you this isn’t right, RUN (but distinguish this from resistance- for instance, one of the most powerful first sessions I had, my mind was so in resistance that it was telling me to leave— but similar to how parasites in your gut can trigger your brain to think you need more sugar, sometimes resistance can do the same. Resistance exists because there’s a huge amount of change on the other side- sometimes it’s our own fear, sometimes it’s entities that don’t want us to shift our vibration, sometimes it’s our own minds, our minds love resistance)

9. if someone is trying to convert you to any sort of faith, religion, cult by insinuating you need salvation or what have you, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE

10. if your practitioner’s needs supersede your own— OMG NO ex. I had a therapist who used to text me about what she was going through in her personal life. She would spend session time talking about it too because she needed an ear. She would ask me about my advertising methods and how I got clients. Towards the end I didn’t need to see her as often anymore as my schedule got busier and she would tell me no, that there was too much time in between and I needed to see her more… but I had never committed to anything, it wasn’t a package or module, I simply didn’t need more sessions at the frequency SHE needed (and, before I even started seeing her I did mention to her I may need some flexibility here and there because of my schedule/travel). I could tell that for her, it wasn’t about me, it was about money.

11. when someone is all just love and light and clearly bypassed, or you can tell they’ve never confronted their shadow elements and are therefore in denial or not well integrated, be careful because they will encourage you to do just that too and they can’t see the “shadow” in others, because they’re scared of their own.

12. When someone isn’t clear in their own truth, if they don’t move you in a way where you know this person is authentic, they can’t see your truth or authenticity either. They can only see you to the extent they can see themselves.

13. Someone’s lifestyle is important. How they invest in and take care of their energy is important. In such an intimate capacity, their energy will affect you, whether positive or negative. Their health will affect you, especially if they’re physically healing you through touch. You don’t want to be left clearing your own stuff AND their stuff too especially if you’ve paid them.

14. If your healer is a psychic/energetic vampire, RUN. They have access to your energy and if they take advantage of that it will not be a good thing for you.

15. Healers are in intimate territories of trust, consent, and influence. Make sure it’s someone you feel safe around and who works in a clean way with all the three above. This means that the person needs to be very high on the light triad.

16. Rate is not the deciding factor. For most people who think about money in 3D terms, as in, you can’t see the intangible, energetic quality of money and you’re only looking for something affordable or a cheap deal, this is really not the place to do that. Your energy and health are on the line and it’s not a good area to skimp out on (think about it- healers, especially energy healers are addressing illnesses sometimes before they’re formed and expressed, meaning, someone’s cancer could’ve been preventable if they had opted to treat it before it formed into a disease, and integrated proper steps towards releasing those energies in the body. In the long run, think about how much pain, suffering, money, time this saves.. a session for a few hundred dollars to prevent hospital bills that could amount to half a million dollars… puts that into perspective. Also, effective healings maximize someone’s quality of life- that is priceless). I’m sure there are AMAZING healers who charge way below what their energy/experience is worth (perhaps they want high volume- but that’s also iffy to me because if someone’s high volume they’re contaminating energy fields likely or not having enough space to rest/clear/recharge in b/t sessions, or they’re relying on their clients to go to them routinely 1-2x a week over a long period of time), but most often the best healings are ones that require you to invest, because already, the rate is not just a material world signage of availability/supply & demand, but it’s set as a boundary- one demarcating the healer knows their worth/skill level/ energetic investment/also likely invests a lot into their energetic maintenance and learning, but also that it will deter those people who are not willing to invest in their own growth and well being. This is an energy/skill exchange and it has to be proportionate. Not to mention, sometimes a higher rate actually saves you time and energy in the long run, because the healing can be exponential and take you farther in one session than what many could do in multiple. Sometimes, investing in what at first looks like it’s something you can’t afford pays dividends and then some, because by working with this person you’re opening up all your channels and therefore attracting more money than you can imagine, afterwards. This is again to reiterate, rate is not the deciding factor, meaning that sometimes someone can charge a high rate that’s empty and not a signage of any of the above. Use your best judgment. I know what you’re thinking- what if you really don’t have the funds to afford a session at a certain rate? The thing is, the right amount of money sometimes materializes by way of the universe if we commit to the session. I’m not kidding, I’ve had this happen myself.

17. Look for resonance- many people have described the feeling of knowing they needed to work with me as a calling in their heart. It’s a really visceral reaction, you’re drawn to this person and know you want to work with them even if your rational mind comes up with a million reasons why you shouldn’t or can’t (money being one of the first ones)

18. If a healer doesn’t model good boundaries it’s not a very good sign. Boundaries are a necessity, priority for the health and wellbeing of anyone in the fields of energy, healing and mental health. Sometimes as we get work with our clients over a long period of time, of course we become closer and the relationship becomes more personal than just professional. But that is an organic transition, and can’t be one that’s forced on anyone. Even then, there are still boundaries.

19. Similar to the above, if a practitioner is making you uncomfortable it’s never a good sign

20. If they display attitudes that are clearly subjective and judgey in your work together, towards you, even when they say they don’t subscribe to those beliefs and are open minded, etc.. — it’s just off.

21. If a healer refuses to work on themselves, it’s ego. GET OUT OF THERE. There’s a social stigma where some healthcare practitioners think it’s a sign of weakness for them to also seek help- this is a very outdated, unconscious belief and it shows me this person is fragile.

22. If a practitioner spends a lot of time pitching other services in a way that is an upsell, less a suggestion where you can genuinely benefit from a workshop, course, or other service. I’ve had many practitioners spend the bulk of my sessions telling me what else I’ll need and it always sat so strangely with me. When I started practicing I vowed never to even mention other services in my work, and when clients asked me for suggestions for how often to see me or what else they needed, I’d always say to refer to their own intuition. However, as my practice has grown, I’ve come to realize that clients sometimes genuinely want your guidance with this! And other times, their guides will suggest services for them that will genuinely benefit them and need you to say it to them. Also, sometimes people new to the work may not know how to scale expectations and some issues they want to work on are tough and may need additional sessions. So my sense on this is if your practitioner is being pushy (and they spend a lot of your session time talking about it), or sales-y or trying to get you to do something you know you don’t need, or they want you to do it because it’s not even about what you need it’s for them, then no. But if you’re genuinely seeking their advice around how often they think would be good for you to see them, or if their suggestion is a soft suggestion based around your work together and what they feel may benefit you, with little to no pressure, then it’s good.

23. This one gives me the creeps: if your practitioner gets really possessive and weird around you working with other people. It’s one thing if it’s very clear that someone else is messing with your client in a bad way (luckily I’ve never encountered this) but to create expectations around your client not seeing other healers, therapists, practitioners is very strange and stalls their progress. It’s lack consciousness. I’m happy when my client has a therapist, or sessions with other intuitives and healers because I’m thinking of my client’s well being. If he/she/they has access to more support and help, they can achieve their goals faster. I know that the majority of practitioners are thinking about their business from a practical standpoint- don’t you want client retention and loyalty? Of course, but that never supersedes my desire for their highest good which is ultimately to grow, and I know that I don’t know everything so if they are getting what they need from someone else that’s amazing! The only way that I can make sure that I continue to have resources and abilities to offer is if I take care of myself and continue growing/learning/healing- and I do not think about clients in lack consciousness- if we reach the end of our work together, that’s our spiritual contract, sometimes our agreements are short, some are long term, and there are a lot of people out there who will find me when we match a in client/healer dynamic and that is dependent on how many obstacles, blocks, lessons I’ve cleared for myself— the demand is on me, not on my client.

24. If your practitioner is consistently late or ends the session early not because you asked them to.. I personally have a sensitivity around this- I feel like it seems disrespectful, also it shows me if someone is ALWAYS late that they might not be organized around time. I understand sometimes in between back to back sessions there may be a lag of a few minutes, but I always make those up, and as a practitioner I understand that sometimes things come up, it’s not always cut and dry, but if someone has a HABIT around being late or ending early or cancelling sessions I usually won’t work with them for that much longer.

Disclaimer

I just wanted to put this out there for those of you who read my posts and work with me:

I’m NEVER writing about the people I work with. I know that sometimes when something is addressed to a general audience, it’s possible that some people may take things personally. This has happened before to me so I know the feeling and I would never want anyone to feel that way- I would never single anyone out, and I’m vocal so you would know if something doesn’t work for me in our work together. If I’ve never said anything, trust that everything is fine and that I LOVE working with you. All of my posts are to help YOU.

Energy Grabbing and How to Deal with Draining People

Sometimes, people don’t have it in their conscious awareness that they’re trying to drain or grab your energy.

I define energy grabbing as smaller doses of huge drains of energy. It’s basically when someone’s texting, emailing, calling, making contact in some way so that they engage you. You, if you’re energetically aware, may feel drained after connecting with them, or have a sense that something is wrong, that you don’t want to engage. This person’s unconscious intention is to grab your energy because they can’t self-sustain. They will sometimes ask you nonsense questions or just keep engaging you when they really don’t need to be. There’s something in them where they just NEED to make contact with you and they will come up with excuses.

Healers and empaths tend to be targets of this, because people feel good in our energy (if we’re doing the work and honoring our energy, that is- and most of us already have it in us to be givers and take on energetic labor for people) that is not to exempt healers or empaths in general, as many toxic healers and empaths (what I mean is, people who are not doing their work nor accountable for their own energy) drain or grab energy.

There’s a co-dependent energy exchange at play, and if you allow people to grab your energy, it makes it so that you enable this behavior. On the flip side, if you keep doing this, you’ll never connect to your own source nor learn self-care practices that will sustain and recharge you. Many people who grab energy tend to also have addictions to other substances, and can also be addicted to other people’s energy. If they’re doing it to you, they likely have multiple sources they go to for a boost.

Drains I define as much larger ones over a span of time, whether it’s in one elongated conversation or over the course of a relationship. Sometimes, we can have draining bonds where we rarely interact with the person in a physical 3D space, maybe that person is a family member and our energy cord runs one way- your energy to them. I experience this viscerally when I’m reading for other people and in my own life as a sharp stabbing feeling. I know then that the cord isn’t clean, and that it’s vampiric. This is part of an energetic agreement that needs to become updated, and the contents need to be made conscious in order to change.

Other times, we can just feel drained in the presence of someone, or we can feel glommed onto. Usually, there are other demands being made, it’s not just an unconscious intention of: I want your energy, but it can also be: “I want your information, I want your friendship, I want x y z” but it feels parasitic in nature. There is no give and take, or space.

Most energetic vampires don’t know that they’re doing that to you, even if they may have a conscious desire to be around your energy or to take some of it. Here’s another thing that makes this type of interaction especially hard: we can LOVE/ADORE the energy grabber/vampire. They could need help, and we can be very compelled to help. Sometimes, it’s because of the very fact that we absolutely adore this person that it sets off our empathy and we want to give more of our energy so much that it depletes us.

An energy vampire/grabber is not always a bad person or someone you want to avoid at all. In fact, I’m sure at one point or another we’ve all grabbed at someone else’s energy or drained someone else, before we become really conscious of what’s happening. That’s all it is: an unconscious behavior.

Some of us can have programming that makes it so we attract these types of people, or feel attracted to these types. Or perhaps, we are programmed to offer help, or offer continuous streams of energy. We can be locked into a codependent energy exchange for years, even, because if we were programmed for this, then someone we know and perhaps deeply love modeled this relationship for us.

This can take a very long time to get clear on and to clear. What can perpetuate this cycle is first, being unconscious about it. Then, when you’re conscious about it, victim mentality can keep you stuck. This means having beliefs that you don’t get to decide, or that you don’t have full reign of your own energy and where it goes, or that it’s the other person’s fault they took it. Evaluate, where is this coming from? Is this a sign of a core wounding as a child? When I’m in victim mentality, I know it’s a sign of the wounded inner child speaking, the one who had her life decisions forced on her and felt like she had no say in anything.

You’re accountable too if you allow other people to take your energy. If you’re conscious enough to feel what’s going on, then you know what’s going on.

The next step is to understand that this has so many layers- and that some of these victim mentality beliefs, or beliefs we owe our energy, or to allow this behavior, are embedded in our nervous system. For instance, we may have beliefs here that if we don’t give what other people want, we may feel unlovable, or we may fear their abandonment, or we may fear conflict (because conflict comes with high stakes for those of us who grew up with unstable caretakers) or in the solar plexus level perhaps we need the validation of being the giver, provider, etc.. because that’s deeply wound into our value systems or self concept.

Then, it’s to get clear on our ability to say NO whether vocally, or just to realize that we have that option. Sometimes, we don’t realize we have the option around our energy. This means, rejecting that invitation to get coffee. Not engaging in communication, or calling them out when they’re trying to engage you in communication that is clearly designed to get you to respond. You never have to say to them directly that it’s what they’re doing- it’s not your job, but you can set other parameters and say that behavior doesn’t work for you. They’re on automatic. They won’t know what they’re doing. You know, so it’s your responsibility to disengage from a potentially codependent arrangement.

To embed in your awareness and in your nervous system: “No, I do not want to be in an energetic relationship with you, and I have that choice,” is an empowering thing to do.

Sidenote- if I wasn’t clear before, the attempts to grab will always either try to provoke an emotional reaction so you’re forced to respond, or they’re for questions you’ve already answered, or they’re just random questions. They’re purposeless, because the intention isn’t in getting the answer to the question- that’s not important to the person baiting at all.

Clairvoyant Readings: The Good and the Bad

Over the years, not only have I given thousands of readings, I’ve also received that many. I’m curious about other styles because I find it helps me have a better grasp of the territory if I not only garner experience, but experience the opposite side. It is my firm belief that you cannot be a good reader unless you’ve also been on the receiving side because that’s the only way you know what the readee wants, looks for, needs, how it feels.

I’ve encountered gifted readers, definitely. I’ve had delightful readings. However, a few things I’ve noticed that I dislike are:

• When someone is just lost in their own reading space and doesn’t engage you at all

• When someone can’t access anything and puts the blame on you

• When someone forcibly makes predictions or tries to convince you you’re powerless

• When someone forcibly tells you they’re always right, if you challenge them in any way

• When someone makes ASSUMPTIONS or tries to put you down in the reading space (this seems to happen more with inexperienced readers who are working through their ego lessons)

• When someone has their own filters they haven’t worked through and see you through them

• When someone’s energy is NOT clean and therefore interferes, lowers, messes with your energy

• When someone’s intentions are not pure and they are not reading for the highest good, but trying to meet their own needs

• When someone reads in a way that makes you feel hopeless

• When someone chit chats and just starts talking about themselves with no relevance to what they’re reading

• When someone takes WAY too long getting images or transitioning (the pacing is IMPORTANT!)

I’ve had some terrible experiences now that I think about it, ones in which I knew the person was trying to instill fear, panic, anxiety. My energy literally BLOCKED the reading from going any further.

Now, I know, clairvoyant readings are NOT easy. They require a lot of skill, not just intuitively, but your clairvoyance needs to be well developed and honed and your psychological filters need to be cleared in the reading space. Not to mention, you need to have the interpersonal skills and the background to know how to hold space while negotiating when you jump in to offer more, and when to pull back, and when to offer (if you have them available) your other clair-faculties. I’m at once submerged in your world- not just through seeing, but feeling, hearing, knowing. Sometimes, you as a reader need to know how to steer the reading when your client may not know how or what to ask, and other times, you need to be a passive channel so you do not interfere with the informational flow that is coming through. Meanwhile, you also need to be available and present enough to handle the emotional and energetic labor that definitely is required because your readee may be processing a lot of stuff.

I am up for the challenge. I LOVE reading. Yes, sometimes it is very draining. Sometimes I’m handling a lot of emotional processing and negative energy. Sometimes I’m placed in the position to not only do all the above, but to help my client parse out what they’re trying to say or know or ask. I consider this a real labor of love, something that my particular gifts are made for. There have been some instances in my intuitive development that I have felt taken advantage of or resentful in the amount of work I do for others, or just simply don’t want to practice because it feels so difficult at times (yes, at the beginning of my practice, I was so drained from one or two in-person sessions I couldn’t get up over the weekend. This work can take a toll), but I have NEVER once felt that way about clairvoyant readings. It is my blessing to be able to share them and the miracles that unfold after are always surprising and beautiful to know. I am more than grateful that some of you are so receptive to the readings and have found benefits to it. You have no idea how good it is to know that all my experiences, life, training and otherwise, are not in vain.

I feel that as a reader we all get access to different levels of “stuff”. Mine happens to hit the deeper layers of trauma sometimes, and I deeply believe that we get what we can handle, meaning, I am capable of handling the hard stuff and delivering it with grace. I know sometimes the truth can hurt, but I’m also aware that most times the truth is what we’re after. It’s precision that matters, and also, knowing how to communicate this information that is a skill for sure. I have a friend who was talking about her ideas about radical honesty and in her mind it was permission to say whatever you want at all times, and my response was that yes it’s great to be open and honest, but it’s lacking a sense of social awareness if we just go around saying everything we feel all the time because words can hurt other people. We need to have a level of cultivation around sensitive topics, we need to have tact, sophistication, we need to know how we impact others and we need to also know not to instill fear.

So, here’s what I appreciate about clairvoyant readings:

• a real grasp of the clairvoyant space, and in knowing what the readee is ready and wanting to access

• a real fluid template, where shifts can happen quickly if the readee wants to move on to something else

• limited chitchat, lean communication, only saying what is necessary

• allowing the readee to take priority

• sensitivity to the contents and to the experience of the readee

• checking in

• knowing when to volunteer a healing and being respectful of boundaries

• knowing what is being communicated from the readee and the guides you work with, meaning, sometimes you’re not just a channel, you’re also a translator!

• active, VERY active listening. Reading between the lines.

• great energy

• a wide database of imagery, so that the reader can also help you decipher certain images when they come through so you’re not left alone trying to understand an image

• If something comes through in a scary way, to know how to communicate it with love and empowerment

• the willingness to help you look into deep dark compartments

• the feeling that someone is with you 100% and committed to the reading

• sometimes knowing to ask certain things even if you are not being asked- basically, being one step ahead because you are thinking of the client’s time and you want then to get as much out of it as possible

• emotional intelligence!!!!

• honoring the openness in the energetic communication

• integrity

I know, I know, I’m tough. But from all these years of experience, this is what I’ve discovered. And this is what I want to offer you during each of my sessions. And hopefully by offering this information to you too, it saves you a lot of time and money because I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on countless readers over the years.

Thank you to everyone who I’ve had the pleasure of reading with, who’ve helped me hone my abilities. Truly.

You have no idea how nervous I was the first time I ever tried. It’s crazy to me that there was once a time I couldn’t “see”, as in, didn’t have clairvoyant abilities, or at least not to my knowledge. I remember the first fuzzy image that ever came through. It was an image of cucumbers on the kitchen counter. Then, I could barely make out someone’s hands chopping them. I felt so stupid, but I said it anyway. “I was just making a cucumber salad” said my first practice readee. “Oh, I could maybe do this…” I thought. I’ve come a long way, but it is my belief that this isn’t the first time I’ve ever activated this Clair faculty. I’m sure I must’ve used it quite a lot in other lives. This one in particular I’m fascinated by. I have different relationships with each of my Clairs and they all developed at different times, and this one, I just LOVE.

Which clair faculty is your favorite? What do you love about it? Hate about it?

Would love to know your experience in the comments.

Stepping Away from Family : The Taboo of Estrangement

I am estranged from my family by choice. I chose to do something as extreme as this for my health and wellbeing, so you can imagine how difficult this choice was, how deliberate it was, and what must’ve happened to make this a necessary outcome. Within that choice are layers holding all the years and attempts I’ve made to shift the dynamic. All the self-work that was met with the same toxic reactions, all the attempts to destroy any self-esteem I was building. Eventually, I reached a point: enough is enough. I cannot grow with this in my life. And, I let go.

To me, this marks a huge stride in my own empowerment, self-sufficiency and self worth. I didn’t realize it at the time I committed to this choice, it was just a fact of life. I’d been pushed way past the point of pain and suffering. However, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have my qualms about it.

Especially because of the cultural piece— family’s are a huge part of Chinese culture, and because of our general, collective attitude towards the family unit, it’s a doubly hard endeavor. I think all I ever wanted as a little girl was a happy family. I have a tendency to romanticize and idealize sometimes, and of course, I always had the fantasy that my familial relationships would be fixed, people would come to realize their contributions and take responsibility. But that’s wishful thinking. A lot of people don’t, that’s a fact of life. It’s much better to believe that and be pleasantly surprised than to expect someone to change who doesn’t want to, and then to be disappointed over and over, in my opinion. So, I can step back and accept the reality and let time show me what I need to know.

I will just say that in our society, and I’m speaking for American culture specifically, there is a tendency to exalt family. It becomes the centerpiece. Anything that deviates from the family unit is unacceptable. While I was struggling, I had a therapist (who I terminated at a later point) who continued to tell me that family is part of someone’s framework of wellbeing and it’s our responsibility to make things work. My family was falling apart at the time for many reasons and she continued to insinuate that it would cause damage to my wellbeing if I didn’t fix it. She continued to try to push her agenda on me, her belief on me, instead of seeing my situation for what it was. Abiding by her framework, yes, and, sometimes wellbeing means family needs to be out of the picture entirely.

If you’ve experienced the same abuse and toxic behaviors in a family no matter what you do, how much you feel over responsible, how much you become over functional, the truth remains the same for this and any toxic relationship: you cannot fix it if the other person (people) aren’t willing to do the work. They will never realize unless you LEAVE otherwise your presence continues to enable their behavior.

Shutting the door for now does not mean shutting the door for good. Sometimes, people return to their families years later to shift the dynamic after they’ve come to a certain point in their healing. Sometimes, there’s more and more distance as people come to more and more realizations for why the relationship is damaging. I am not at the point of contemplating a return, yet, and I will admit it is painful for me to know that there are years passing that I won’t see, or know, in the lives of the people that I love no matter what. My love for them makes me want to know how they are, to watch them grow older, to fight for them at all costs. My love for them excuses them for any bad behavior- but, loving without realistic limits is unhealthy and we can have all that love for them but choose to love ourselves, too, instead of needing to be the one who constantly sacrifices their own self-love and respect for the other. Notice if ever you are in a dynamic that forces you to choose either you or them. That’s already a big red flag.

If something in this post is resonating for you- just know that if you let society’s expectations outweigh your own wellbeing, if you’re afraid of what people might think or say if you deviate from the norm, then you will never find what you’re looking for. You may put up with the pain and suffering in avoidance of the pain and grief of loss if you made that cut, but the second option allows opportunity for growth. You get, along with it, several gifts of strength, resilience and self worth.

For all the people out there who are estranged from your families and either are open about it or find it hard to talk about- I just want to say that I understand. I may not know the whole story and it may not have been similar to my experience, but I can only imagine what took you there. And, you are so brave. You are not alone.

For those of you who are thinking about making this choice but are still holding on out of unconscious fear- here’s your reminder that you have the permission to make those hard choices, and to take care of yourself.

The best response I’ve ever gotten from someone when I said, “I’m estranged,” was, “good for you for taking care of yourself,” let’s all normalize this conversation and shift it over to that response and attitude.

A note to clients: I will NEVER try to enforce that estrangement is THE way to go. It is what I chose to do and I consider it a last option, but it is not what is right for everyone and when I look at your situation, I look at it as YOUR situation and do my best to mediate any unconscious biases and clear my subjective filters. In the past I’ve worked with people who projected themselves onto me, who got overly and inappropriately involved in my life choices, and I know how harmful it can be so I am especially careful about this.

New Services

I’ve decided to introduce two new sessions!

First one is a half hour clairvoyant healing. This will be less focused on a deep healing and more on specific questions.

Second, which I’m really excited about, is a photo reading. I’ve been doing this for my friends for ages and wanted to introduce it to more people. Basically, my friends will show me a photo of someone and I’ll sense in and tell you what I get intuitively. In person, I just put my hand over the photo and read the energy that comes through. This is useful for those of you who are online dating, or have a photo from someone’s instagram, etc. I’ll scan for what type of energy they read as, what blocks I pick up, red flags, etc.. and sometimes I can even sense whether they’re going to be a good energetic match for you (only if you’re a previous client, since I need some familiarity with your energy)

A lot of people have asked me in the past how online dating works for me, being that I’m so energetically in tune. I’ll just say that it saves me a lot of time because upon one glance of a photo I already know a lot, and especially whether we will have a connection. I will say that in the last few years, every single person I have met I have connected well with, energetically. Vibing things out at the offset saves SO much time.

Note: with the photo reading, please refrain from asking me any specific questions, as those are reserved for the emailed questions. I do this to protect my energy, since the emailed questions are more energetically involved, since I have to tap into your energy alongside the clairvoyant space. You can provide some info, like how you know this person or in what context. If you have follow up questions, then please book an emailed question too.

Book now via my booking page

Alternate Examples of Remote Reiki

Most people book remote reiki for anxiety, sleep, removing emotional blocks, deep healing, pain

Although remote reiki can not be used to manipulate someone else for a specific outcome (for example, remote reiki cannot be used to make someone else do something for you but can be structured to enhance a desired outcome) as that has karmic repercussions, there are novel ways that remote reiki can be used that I’ve experimented with in the past which work!

1. Attracting money, abundance, love

2. Finding out someone’s truth

Yes- the 2nd one is one that I’ve used before in my personal life— one time, I programmed reiki to reveal truth about an ex. At this point we had just broken up. During the time of our relationship I had some suspicions, but there wasn’t any ever evidence of any cheating. I thought it was all in my head and left the relationship feeling very confused as he presented as such a good, faithful guy, so, I let reiki do the work for me. The very next day, someone that he had been cheating on me with sent me a message and I got the concrete confirmation that I desired. I could NOT believe it. We can’t intrude on someone’s personal life to find out their truth just because we’re nosy, but when, like in this situation, it’s for the highest good for someone else to know (this was important information for me to move on and get a deeper understanding of what was happening so I could heal and stop doubting my instincts) the reiki will reveal it.

Sometimes I’ll use reiki to help me set energetic boundaries and release energy when I feel someone’s energy is in my space— this is a particularly useful for those of us who are energetically sensitive.

Other times I use it for cord removal or to draw back my energy if I feel drained.

Remote reiki is incredibly versatile and I’m continually amazed at the breadth of what it can work on with clients, and with myself. The outcome may not come as expected and sometimes there is a delay as there is with any manifestation, but it will come if it is in the highest good.

If you have any questions about how to use reiki in a particular situation, or aren’t sure how/if it can be used for an intention, send me an email and I’ll help you

To Expand We Must First Contract

I go through phases when I’m upleveling- meaning, raising my vibration and shifting out of an old vibration. I always know this is happening because I’m met with what feels like a rut, a void space, a crash. Everything could be going very well, and then suddenly for a few days at a time it’s like I can’t get out of bed. I crave comfort foods, I withdraw completely. Anything like working out, or reading, or productive, even, seems utterly impossible.

if you are energy sensitive, then you for sure have gone through these phases. Sometimes they’re linked to planetary alignments, moon cycles and collective energies. Other times, they’re just your own process, whether you’re undergoing an ego death or just a vibrational shift. It’s likely that if you aren’t energy sensitive and somehow wandered over to my blog (or even if you are energy sensitive) you could dismiss what I’m saying with other reasons like, say, depression, or a mood disorder, or something hormonal. Trust me, sometimes it’s easier to default to explanations like that because to default to shifting, or contrasting, seems so intangible. What is this inner process that takes us out, out of nowhere?

Energetically, what’s happening is a contraction internally. The new vibration and the older vibration don’t match, so the contrast within creates a turbulence, a chaos, and the old vibration (which is denser) is attempting to cling- which is why when you go through these phases you may have food cravings for foods with no nutritional value even if normally you eat very healthily. Once this contraction happens fully, it releases, and then your energy expands again in a new vibration.

Even though when you’re going through it there’s no way you’d consider this upleveling, since it feels so regressive, just go through it. Once you surrender to it, the whole process becomes easier.

The first time I really experienced this was during my first ego death, or, dark night of the soul. The contraction phase was so intense, I actually thought I was dying. But then, when it released the next morning, I felt infinitely lighter, more connected, more aware, clearer. I felt so incredibly different. Throughout each of these shifts, I learn more and more that it’s human nature to go through resistance with any change, even if it’s internally. And the lower density, or that which wants to stay the same, will put up a fight. It’s the ego after all. With my second ego death, I learned that fear, resistance and separation is only of the ego, and that our power comes from spirit. The moment we stop fighting and surrender to the spirit, we expand and realize there is nothing at all to fear.

Other times, we may undergo a similar process and arrive at a similar place of renewal but through different means. For example, you could be very busy and keep pushing yourself, and your body will know to keep going. But there is deeper emotional processing that you are avoiding, or you simply don’t have the time or luxury to pause for a minute. The body will keep you functioning until you have a moment, and then it hits you and you crash. Everything you pushed away for the last few days, weeks, months, will suddenly have the necessary space to process, and you may surprised by how much emotion is behind it. Every time, it is scary, but it will also up level you and shift you out of whatever changes you’re undergoing, so that you may experience it on the other side with ease.

The thing is, as we grow, as we contract and expand (which is the natural movement of all life— take for example, the Big Bang), we go through cycles of grief- grief for situations, environments we’ve outgrown, and mostly for ourselves. We lose versions of ourselves in order to grow into new ones, and along the way we do need to grieve those losses.

Session types and differences

The four primary types of remote session I offer currently are:

Clairvoyant Healings, Remote Reiki, Hypnosis and Integrative Healing sessions.

Just to give a quick run down of how these differ—

Clairvoyant Healings are for clarity, understanding, and a larger perspective. It also is a healing as well, as sometimes when we see and acknowledge what exists within, we can better process what’s coming up, that we may have dismissed or ignored or simply missed, previously. I also do offer a direct, energetic healing component, which means that I help you move out blocks and clear your energy or assist it to run more smoothly. This is by phone.

Integrative Healing Sessions are more “on the ground” so to speak, so although all of my healing sessions encourage embodiment, this one is about helping you to release and move through blocks, process emotions and traumas in the body. Although all of my sessions can elicit an emotional catharsis, this one by far is the most direct. It’s an integration of integrative life coaching (which is great when working with triggers, or anxiety), hypnosis, alongside breath work, sounding, and visualization exercises + other therapeutic and spiritual tools. This is by phone as well.

Remote Reiki is purely energetic and can offer a lovely reset, a good night’s sleep, and clearing of subconscious pain, fear, etc. It can also be used for situations and relationships (never to manipulate it, but moreso to set the vibration and intention). Although one session works wonders, over time remote reiki can really clear out so much, as the work builds on itself as you also become more receptive as your energy opens. There is no additional therapeutic work, and therefore remote reiki is not by phone. When healing, I’m working purely intuitively and energetically. Many people also can experience an emotional release as well. After these sessions I send an email recap what I worked on and anything important to know.

Hypnosis takes you into a gentle trance, and helps you rewrite old programming. It can also be used for triggers, addictions, physical pain, and underlying causes of anxiety, stress, low self esteem, etc.. I’ll be guiding you by phone. This one doesn’t have as much of a focus on energetic work, as it focuses on the unconscious mind only. Since the unconscious mind is predominant even when we’re awake, to target the unconscious means we can change our habits fast.

Some people may respond to different sessions, and if you have questions about what is best for you, feel free to ask. Used together, these modalities do a comprehensive clean sweep, as in combination they target every possible angle.

Finally, with regards to my emailed question, that’s for small questions that require me to look into things intuitively, energetically and clairvoyantly. So, if you have an additional question after reading, or if you just have one question and don’t want to do a full reading, then this would be the best way to go.

Chasing Unavailable Partners

We’ve all at one point in time chased unavailable partners. Especially if you lean towards the anxious attachment style, the avoidant type may seem very appealing. Part of the development of the anxious attachment style has to do with having needs met inconsistently, which the avoidant type does so well. Sometimes the avoidant type is there, other times, well most times, he/she/they are not.

It’s likely a pattern, but there are different ways unavailability shows up.

They can be:

emotionally unavailable (distant, cold, emotionally cut off, secretive)

married, or in a “committed” relationship

workaholic

drug user

physically distant (always traveling, or live in a different place)

All of the above reveal something: that the unavailable partner is investing the majority of his/her/their time already in a relationship with something else, whether that be substances, work, or another person. They’re physically, emotionally, mentally not engaged with you and most likely, this is an offshoot of them being unavailable to themselves, deep down, too.

The thing is, when we choose unavailable partners, most of the time subconsciously there’s a need we’re chasing after to fulfill. This need can be deeply unconscious, and be something that we’re seeking to resolve from a childhood attachment wound. For example, my father was largely unavailable my entire life. He was physically always traveling, emotionally, didn’t have the capacity to be vulnerable or present, not to mention I didn’t meet him until I was 3. What this created was an unconscious need and desire for a certain type of male validation, attention and love. I found myself in repeated cycles with the same type of man: unavailable, secretive, self-absorbed and in pain— but.. high achieving, successful and very similar to my dad in temperament (aka domineering and angry)

The interesting thing is, all of the men were in the position to offer me what it was I wanted. I think that when we seek out these unavailable partners, they all have an inkling of potential to satisfy that/those specific needs we have. All times, I left these situations disappointed because most of these relationships function on the basis of your projection of unfulfilled desires and desire for unconscious resolution. There were times when I was offered what I had been seeking the whole time. Some of these men fell in love with me. And you know what I did, after spending so much of my time and energy trying to "convince” these men I was worthy of their love and attention? I suddenly came to the realization I never wanted it in the first place! That’s right. When it’s presented to you, you most likely will come to the realization you do not want the relationship. It was never about them even though it seemed it was so much about them. You may have devoted everything to them. No, it’s about you.

The reason being is, the thing that we crave, the thing that almost feels like we can’t live without.. well the truth is, we never had it. So, we never needed it.

That stark truth sets in when we’re presented with it. That’s why some people who want unavailable partners actually avoid available partners. We all do this in some ways. We want the people who don’t want us and shy away from the people who are way too obvious about their affections— that’s why hard to get is such a widespread tactic, after all. The underbelly of the anxious attachment style IS unavailability. The reason why people seek unavailable partners repetitively is because it’s safe. There’s no risk of real vulnerability and attachment, because it can never form into a real healthy relationship.

Once you start feeling more emotionally ready and start doing the hard work around intimacy, love, attachment style and need, these patterns dissipate. You’ll find yourself more secure in your attachment, more ready and willing for real partnership, and therefore will attract matches who are much more available. Just be careful when you do find that familiar feeling of uncertainty and “thrill” and find yourself wondering how the other person feels, because more likely than not, if you have a lot of questions and doubt about how someone feels about you, they’re likely unavailable and unhealthy for you.